Ielts task 2: Purchasing a house or business, which one do you prefer?

Hi everyone,
Can you please help me correct my writing?
Thank you very much.
Tien.

Owning a house or a business are signification decisions in everyone's life. In my opinion, I would like to vote for the business and this essay tends to prove this idea.

A house is not an asset unless money is made from it. Normally, owning a house is not carried much profit to the owners compares to a business. As easily seen as many people purchase houses and spend their whole life working hard for paying the mortgages. Of course by the time going, the equity of the house can be increased, however, owning only one house is not allowed people to sell it for profit. Besides, people still have other options to live in a house without purchasing such as renting or leasing. In addition, not owning house allowed people more flexible in moving when their jobs are required. In fact, people still have many options in their life besides owning their houses.

On the other hand, business sometimes is a potential investment. People owned businesses are able to control the destiny themselves. They are working for themselves and have their own clients. Those people often try the best to promote the business and seeking clients. Thus, if the businesses are being well-managed and running, profits will be generated and delivered to the owners. People can achieve financial freedom if the businesses are successful. And finally, profits will create more profitable, business owners can use that profit to pursue their dream houses.

In short, some people would like to own a house in their life, however, I myself support to the business. As it can be a potential and profitable investment helps owners for achieving their dreams.

Bui, as with any English proficiency exam, it is important that you format your first paragraph in the correct manner. That means, you need to make sure that the sentences you create follow the expected format. That means at least 3 sentences that showcase the summary of the prompt in your own words, the 2 points of view that you will be discussing, then finally, your own point of view towards the end of the essay. All of these should be adequately represented in your introduction. Your introduction does not really do that at the moment. It just jumps to you point of view without creating the overview of the discussions to be presented. That will be a point deduction in an actual test.

Now, as for the discussion you presented in the essay. It shows the kind of analytical thinking that is required of a researcher. You display an accurate understanding of not only the prompt, but also the types of reasoning that can be used to defend your stance. Most of the information you present are based upon logic and deductive reasoning. Good work. It shows that you have the potential to be a good researcher in the future.

There are some grammar issues that clutter up an otherwise acceptable piece of essay writing on your part. Please note the corrections I have made below:

Normally, owning a house is not carried DOES NOT CARRY much profit to FOR the owners compares WHEN COMPARED to a business.

As easily seen as m Many people purchase houses and spend their whole life working hard for paying TO PAY FOR the mortgages.

Of course by the time going OVER TIME, the equity of the house can be increased, however, . HOWEVER

owning only one house is not allowed DOES NOT ALLOW people to sell it for profit.

Besides, people still have other options to live in a house FOR RESIDENCES without purchasing such as renting or leasing.

not owning A house allowed S people more flexible FLEXIBILITY in moving

when their jobs are required REQUIRE IT.

business sometimes is a potential investment.

People WHO owned businesses are able to control the destiny themselves. THEIR DESTINY.

Those people often try theIR best to promote theIR business and seeking clients

if the businesses are being well-managed and running, profits will be generated and delivered to the owners.

profits will create more profitable, business owners can use that profit to pursue their dream houses.

in their lifeTIME, h However, I myself support to the business.

. As it A BUSINESS can be a potential and profitable investmen tTHAT helps owners for IN achieving their dreams.

structure-wise i feel it is good.