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The essay about the question: Should people restrict video games?



dinhhavan16 1 / -  
Feb 7, 2023   #1

Limits on Video Games



As musician Ezra Koenig said, "Some people say video games rot your brain, but I think they work different muscles that maybe you don't normally use." Practically, many people believe that there should be restrictions on computer games due to their negative impacts on human mental health. However, the idea of setting boundaries for video games has been the main cause of many disputes between children and their parents or schools. In fact, electronic games are thought to be an educational program for the young generation, which would be an appropriate channel prompting innovative ideas rather than mental degradation.

Initially, in this digital era, video games have grown as an academic training program for many families and schools. To elaborate, various Vietnamese primary schools and high schools developed projects which applied both literal and logical subjects in computer games to help students attain in-class lessons effectively and efficiently. Additionally, families can easily encourage their children to be innovative via some virtual models or characteristics in those. Therefore, children may find their interest in study and grasp their job opportunity because a massive number of IT engineers state that one of their inspirations for the current job is video games.

On the opposite side, computer games are also considered as one of the reasons for family conflict and school bullying. Particularly, many arguments between children and their parents have been more serious due to the gaming disorder. Furthermore, schools are also struggling to solve many cyberbullying cases resulting from the brutal aspects of video games. To explain, video games have become a problematic and compulsive program due to some violent and murdering scenes that may deteriorate the mental health of especially the young generation. Literally, if parents or schools have chosen ethical and educational video games instead of implementing strict rules at home and delivering a stressful theoretical curriculum at school, children will be aware of the drawbacks of computer games. Thus, their mind may not be manipulated with hard requirements and hefty knowledge both from family and school.

In conclusion, even though some people reckon that video games are barriers for children's mental development, they are actually one of the primary tools which can help children be more creative, knowledgeable, and pursue their dream job in not only the field of technology but also many other areas.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Feb 7, 2023   #2
While the examiner will appreciate the quotation at the start of the essay, he cannot consider it as a part of the preliminary or overall scoring process. That is because such quotes, specially when placed at the start of the prompt restatement, will definitely alter the discussion. Additionally, it is obvious to me that you did research online to find that relevant quote. In reality, you will not have internet access during the exam so you should not fall into the habit of doing research during the practice test. Use your own opinions, ideas, and examples as much as possible. When applicable, use publicly known knowledge, which you knew about beforehand.

The actual prompt restatement cannot really be traced in the paraphrasing + writer's opinion because the original topic was not restated in an effective manner and the writer's response was not clearly marked by the use of 1st person pronouns. It is almost as if the writer is completing a general research paper rather than a task 2 essay. The first paragraph does not fall into the task 2 writing format for the question.

When I compare the question that the student provided to his response, I can only conclude that the response is not related to the question posed. He never really answered if video games should be restricted. Instead, he did a comparative discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of computer games. If that was the question provided, then the response would be correct. However, the question has to do with access to video games, this could refer to play time or the types of games played. Neither of the possible topics for discussion, in relation to the prompt were used in the presentation. So the essay is not prompt adherent. Since it does not answer the question properly, nor does it restate the prompt in a related manner, I doubt that this essay can receive a passing score.

I cannot even review the other scoring sections of this presentation at this point. Not when the content is the main problem of the discussion presentation. If the writer had provided the original prompt, I might have been able to present a better assessment of this writing task in relation to his response. As far as I am concerned, the title topic and the discussion provided are not related in the correct manner.


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