[IELTS] A question which remains controversial; Strict rules of behaviour for children or not?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

To what extent should children have to follow rules?

Please also score my essay. With thanks,

While educating young generation plays a pivotal role in the development of society, methodologies may vary from country to country. In certain nations, children retain the right to do almost everything of their interest. In others, meanwhile, they have restricted independence and are obliged to follow behavior rules. Both educational methods have its own advantages, yet I believe that children should be permitted to obtain a particular level of freedom in order to express their distinctive personalities.

In countries where strict attitude obligations exist, children are usually brought up to be more obedient and respectful citizens. As they have a set of rules to follow since they were in kindergarten, they are more capable of distinguishing the decent occurrence from the adverse counterpart. As a consequence, burden can be partly relieved from families and schools since they might not need to supervise each child and student individually. Moreover, this fact will likely form a stable society where the majority of residents tend to stay refrained from negative phenomenon.

In contrast, our offspring may also benefit from being permitted to do things of their interest. The fact that they possess more freedom to express their personalities will create a diverse society. Furthermore, these children tend to grow up being more independent and decisive. USA is a particular example where children are not restricted by strict behavior rules. Despite all the negative effects it might have, USA remains the most developed country in the world, renowned for its freedom and liberty. Numerous citizens develop into successful symbols regarding economics, science, medicine, and cinema industry.

In a nutshell, whether young generation should be required to comply with behavior obligations has remained controversial. Each methodology proves to be beneficial to society in different manners. However, I still believe that less behavior rules will allow our offspring to grow up more distinctively.

Band Score: 3

The prompt already admits that children should be allowed to have the freedom to do what they want. That is a given implication in the discussion. What the prompt would like to know, is how much you agree with the sentiment that, although children should be allowed the freedom to express themselves, they still need to somehow follow strict rules. That is what you should be agreeing or disagreeing to up to a certain extent. Since you discussed the wrong prompt, there was a clear lack of understanding of the demands of the instruction. Your introduction paragraph was wrong so all of the essay content / discussion became wrong as well.

The grammar you used is simple but manages to get your sentiments across. The only problem, was that you were relaying the information for the wrong discussion. Always remember, when you write a practice test, review the prompt and then compare it with your written work. if you are not sure that you wrote the correct discussion, ask a friend who is better in English use than you to review your work. You only have one chance to pass the actual test. So make sure that you improve on your comprehension skills as that will dictate your ability to pass or fail the test.

Thank Vangiespen for your helpful feedbacks. I've learned a lot from them.

Actually I sat the IELTS exam on Jan 14th, 2016 already (one day after I posted this work) and got 7.5 overall and 7.5 for Writing.

I'm aiming at a 8.0 band for writing and hope to receive more of your help.