IELTS: REASONS AND EFFECTS OF OBESITY AMONG HUMANS

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain main causes and effects of this problem suggest some possible solutions.

reasons and effects of obesity among humans

These days fatness in early age is increasing and it become culmination causes all over the world.It is felt eating junk foods lack of exercise and limited movement are the base precursors of this problem

Firstly, eating fast foods and limited movement are the two most catalyst of obesity
For example, the majority of children are consuming junk foods such as hamburgers hotdogs which contains unhealthy ingredients. As result,it will be hard to digest and stomach suffer from it In addition children much less active then they used to be.To be more precise in the past children played variety games which burned a significant amount of energy. However,today most of children spend their time indoors sitting computers and playing video games.They don not have opportunity to utilize the calories which they are taking As consequence it leading to obesity. Also they do not do any kind of sports which can help them to be fit and healthy.

The major effects of this are negative.As evidence approximately 10000 of children get this disease from early age. Moreover, fatness can lead to a high risk of health disease such as diabetes heart attack as well as cancer.

To tackle with this issue parents and government should take responsibility to reduce this problem. In other words parents must control what they are eat and give them healthy nutrition foods.Besides, government should limit junk food advertising which hopefully lead to decline obesity illness.

Following this look at the cause and effects of childhood obesity. It is felt government and parents must ensure steps are taken to prevent this problem for deteriorating further.

Suxrob, I can't even begin to think about which problem to present first with regards to your essay. It is simply too riddled with errors from the prompt paraphrasing, word use, punctuation problems...This essay would not get a passing grade in an actual setting. In fact, the work that you did was is so bad, I dare not score you on any aspect for fear of affecting your mindset. Review your essay, the first problem that will pop into your sight will be the lack of punctuation marks in a majority of your sentences. There are definitely missing periods and commas which could have helped to arrange the thought process being presented. Next, always use the correct keywords from the prompt when you develop your work. Therefore, it is wrong to say fatness because being fat is different from being obese. The correct term to use in this essay is "obese", not "fat". There is no clear progression in your presented thought process, the sentence lack coherence in most paragraphs, which had a direct effect on the cohesiveness of your work. Overall, this essay is sloppy, does not show a clear understanding of the prompt, and fails to show a proper English thought process. You have to be more careful when you develop your sentences and at least aim to get a good grammar range and accuracy score. Make sure that you understand the prompt when you try to paraphrase it in the opening statement. Most importantly, develop a logical discussion of your essay target points whenever possible. Right now, this essay is not going to work to your benefit even as a practice test.

hi @SuXrOb, I hope that you are not giving up to practice writing, the first problem that you should deal with is about punctuation. You need to add some punctuation properly. Next, some errors particularly in grammar need more attention. Then, in writing IELTS, it requires to put clear ideas in each paragraph. Therefore, your supporting ideas can be developed. I suggest you to read more about IELTS examples in writing task 2 in which they can help you to build your coherent ideas.