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IELTS - the reasons why people travel and the benefits of it.

essayimprover 1 / 1  
May 3, 2014   #1
Most individuals today, who are fond of travelling, are used to label themselves "travelholic" and it has been a trend that an increasing number of people spend more time on travelling yearly. This essay sets to analyze the inherent reasons for this and draw out the advantages as well.

In the light of the societal development, for economically independent office workers who live a fast-paced lifestyle, they have extra money to reward themselves by going a trip after one year's hard work. This is mainly because that spoiling themselves in an exotic location offers an opportunity to escape from the stress and depression in reality. Also, it is a chance to refresh and recharge themselves for the upcoming challenges.

Furthermore, the fancy and attractive commercials across media play a pivotal role in encouraging people to go vacation. Especially on the Christmas season, in some cities where usually are covered with snow at that moment, it is extremely difficult to not shell out the money and to enjoy an all-inclusive trouble free holiday in a certain tropical island, regardless of the high price during the peak season.

In general, travel has positive impacts on people in various perspectives. Firstly, one enormously expands his horizon by seeing, sensing and experiencing the local culture where he travelled. Since people, who love traveling, are also normally willing to learn other cultures. Secondly, this activity largely increases the possibility of the communication between persons from diverse regions and conflicts probably reduce by getting to know more about each other. Last but not least, travel is proved to be beneficial to both mental and physical health due to the physical exercises and relaxing minds involved in the journey.

In conclusion, the reasons for travelling could vary from one another, but the pros it brings to us cannot be denied. Therefore, people should be encouraged to travel as long as they could afford economically and physically.

Pls also check if there is any grammar or phrase used inappropriately, thank you!
upinipin 32 / 49 1  
May 3, 2014   #2
, but the pros it brings to us cannot be denied.

many punctuation are not appropriate
OP essayimprover 1 / 1  
May 3, 2014   #3
Can you please point out some of those for me? indeed it is a part that I easily ignored...
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 6, 2014   #4
First, I have a small admin request :) You should open IELTS threads in Writing Feedback forum which is the most appropriate forum for that. This had been moved form Essays to Writing Feedback.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 6, 2014   #5
when you post an Ielts task, you should include the task as well, so we will be easier to know what type of your essay is

but the pros it brings to us cannot be denied.

but the pros it / of it brings to us cannot be denied

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