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IELTS, Why more people travel than before? What are the benefits?


homsai 11 / 24 5  
Apr 20, 2013   #1
Task2
Today more people are traveling than ever before.
Why is this the case?
What are the benefits of traveling for the traveller?
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With the development of modern transportation, may people are likely to traveling during holidays. The tourism industry has been highly developed in order to accept more visitors and be more cheaper than before. In this essay, I am going to examine why is this phenomena occur and what are the benefits of traveling for the traveller.

Firstly, the main reason of traveling proliferation is individuals have more disposable money and leisure time, which impels the possibility of traveling, even international traveling. The cost of traveling is more acceptable as people are well-paid and keen to explore new things. In addition, the modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduce the costs of tourists. Therefore, in my country, it is possible to have a great vacation oversea without paying half an year of salary.

Obviously, The benefits of traveling are contributing to people's mental well-being. Individual is able to broaden his mind by visiting a different culture or experiencing into gorgeous sightseeing. More exactly, the different culture makes individuals think differently, which might be beneficial to individuals' prospective toward things. By experiencing the wonderful nature spots, people are able to release their pressure from daily working. Also, having a short term break from work, as they feel that escaping to a new place.

Furthermore, traveling create an opportunity to meet others, who are share same life attitude and problems. By getting touch with them, you might be able to find out some solutions to problems and exchange ideas toward life without any disturbing from outside.

In conclusion, I believe the traveling is beneficial to people's mental well-being. And tourism would be promoted further by development of modern technologies and changing of people's attitude.

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Thank you for correcting my essay.

Redtape 4 / 31 11  
Apr 20, 2013   #2
The tourism industry has been highly developed in order to accept more visitors and be more cheaper than before

Highly developed tourism industry, cheaper fares are encouraging more tourists to go on holidays.

Individual is able to broaden his mind by visiting a different culture or experiencing into gorgeous sightseeing

Individuals are able to broaden their minds by exploring different cultures.

More exactly

Precisely

Few ideas I thought of sharing. : )
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 21, 2013   #3
With the development of modern transportation, man y people are likely to traveling during holidays.

... it is not only the development of transportation, but also the effects of globalization that creates many reasons for people to travel such as education, business, charity, holidaying etc. Since this topic is broad enough to accommodate all reasons for travelling, I think you should not restrict it to tourism alone.

the modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduce the costs oftourists travelling.

Therefore, in my country, it is possible to have a great vacation oversea without paying half an year of salary.

.... This example does not sound relevant to your reasoning. Give a more specific example.
Jessiewyq 2 / 5 1  
Apr 21, 2013   #4
may people are likely to traveling during holidays

Many people are likely to travel during the holidays.

The tourism industry has been highly developed in order to accept more visitors and be more cheaper than before.

Accept more visitor?? maybe use receive or welcome..., also you can not use more cheaper instead of cheaper
CallMeRay 1 / 4 1  
Apr 22, 2013   #5
And tourism would be promoted further by development of modern technologies and changing of people's attitude.

- use " more professional a linking device" & use "should" for suggestions.
E.g. Moreover, tourism should be promoted further by developing modern technologies and changing people's attitude.
shaddy 17 / 47 7  
Apr 22, 2013   #6
With the development of modern transportation system , man y people are likely intend to traveling travel during holidays

I am going to examine why is this phenomena occurring and what are the benefits of traveling for the travell er

In addition to this , the modern transportation technologies have remarkably reduce

More exactly, the different

Precisely

Also, having a short term break from work, as they feel that escaping to a new place.

Also, having a short-term break from work lasts a good impact on the people's mood.

traveling creates an

By getting touch with them, you might be able to find out some solutions to problems and exchange ideas toward life without any disturbing from outside.

Meeting with different people helps in finding the solutions to our untold problems and is a good way to exchange problems as well.

I believe the traveling is beneficial

I believe that...

A word of advice is use 'that' in the situation where we often miss while speaking. Like 'I think', 'I believe' etc.
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Apr 23, 2013   #7
Hai...

Give little bit more concentration on conclusion.

Try to limit using 'ing' forms. (personal)

All the best.

Tessy.
OP homsai 11 / 24 5  
Apr 23, 2013   #8
Thank you guys for all helpful advices, I'll take them into consideration~~


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