Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


IELTS Task 2: reasons and positive/negative development for shopping malls designed for the young?



goodorfood 1 / -  
Apr 5, 2019   #1
Please feel free to give any comment. Thanks in advance.

REASONS FOR THE NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT OF MANY SHOPPING MALLS DESIGNED FOR THE YOUNG



Topic:
Many shopping centres and malls are designed to attract young people to spend time there. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?


Answer:

The development of many shopping centres and malls designed to attract the young enabling them to spend time there, even more time, has come up for a number of reasons. Personally, I believe the two main reasons for this are improving competitiveness and being more lucrative, and also this should be a negative change.

Firstly, the owners of shopping malls design their shopping malls to attract young people in order to not only maintain but also improve competitiveness. Since doing online shopping anytime and anywhere with an Internet connection is much convenient than shopping in a brick-and-mortar shopping centre, in other words, online shops put shopping malls at a disadvantage. Secondly, the shopping centre holders design their shopping centres to appeal to the younger generation to spend time there so that the shopping centres may be more profitable. Because the more time young people spend there, the more likely they are to spend money. Therefore, enhancing competitiveness and being more profitable are the two main reasons for doing so.

Moreover, as the development of many shopping centres targeting the young means the development of few shopping malls intended for middle-aged people or the elderly. With these developments, shopping centres will attract more young consumers and lose other consumers such as older people at the same time. It is crystal clear that these developments are not positive for people of all ages. Thus, I am of the opinion that many shopping malls designed for young customers should be a bad development.

To sum up, there are two major reasons for the fact that many shopping malls are designed to be attractive to younger people to spend time there, including enhancing competitiveness and making more profits. Also, this development, in my opinion, is negative in that it is not beneficial to people of different ages.

tcl1120 9 / 27  
Apr 5, 2019   #2
Recommend you to provide some examples on how the brick-and-mortar shopping amenities do to attract youngsters.

For example: importing Korean products, fintech, e-payment or etc.
Maria - / 1096  
Apr 6, 2019   #3
@goodorfood
I would suggest removing phrases which do not provide additional substance to your essay.
For instance, I would have shortened and paraphrased your first sentence as:
The development of shopping centres and malls designed to attract the youth enabled them to spend more time.

You could omit mentioning that there are main reasons to it because your following sentence already mentioned it.
Furthermore, I would also recommend adding a more specific context or example to your essay. This will help the readers fully understand what you mean.

If you can, you may also briefly mention the negative reasons as to why people should not be engaged into this. Mention the pessimistic perspective to balance out your narrative.

Be concise to make this more substantial as much as possible.
Best of luck.
nguyenholinhchi 1 / 1  
Apr 7, 2019   #4
@goodorfood
I would recommend you to use more examples
Overall structure is good


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: reasons and positive/negative development for shopping malls designed for the young?
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳