Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS Task 2 - Recent figures shown an increase in violent crime among youngsters


Mayank7g 9 / 17  
Mar 27, 2017   #1
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers

Youth Wrong Path



Youths are the building blocks of any developing nation. However, recently it is observed that infants are committing many crimes. Psychology professionals claim that it is due to the lack of parenting and teaching effect. In my opinion, I completely agree with the argument and I will explain this in my essay.

Firstly, Parents are so busy in their life today that they are not giving focus on their children. This is because, they have found the alternative for parenting in the form of day care and due to this, the children's are not getting proper care and etiquettes when they are growing up. As a result, they didn't attach much with their parents and comes in the contacts of cheap people, who do a crime like pick pocketing, bullying people for money, which leads them to commit crimes too. For instance, children's of both working parents are less groomed than comparing to those who have their single parent working. This problem can be resolved if one of the members in families takes responsibility to take care of their child and keep an eye on their activities.

Secondly, Teachers also plays a vital role in grooming up children. Nevertheless, they also seem to do teaching just for sake of job. Therefore, students are not getting the proper knowledge and guidance which will help them to build a prosperous career. As a consequence of this, they are bunking schools and making contacts with the people who encourage them to do antisocial activities which are not only harmful to the society but also for the future of that individual. For example, In Pakistan, many children are quitting schools and getting trained in ISIS camps which lead them to become a Terrorist. And To prevent the youths from deviating their paths, teachers should guide them and teach them the knowledge which is helpful in growing them up.

In conclusion, it is undeniable that today youths are following the wrong path due to lack of parenting and teaching. However, these problems are not insurmountable strict steps from their guardians and mentors can help them to protect their future.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
Mayank, the first thing that struck me in your opening statement is the mistake in your term usage. You used the term infant to describe the juvenile offenders. Since an infant is aged 0-2 years old, there is absolutely no way these children can do the sort of crimes implicated in the prompt. This mistake in your use of lexical terms will cost you a tremendous deduction in lexical resource points. This shows a clear lack of understanding of English terms and the inability to use the term properly. While the rest of your essay supports your agreement with the prompt, this glaring lexical mistake, along with the problematic grammar and sentence development will result in this essay possible getting a score of 5. While your line of reasoning shows promise, the two problem points held back the possible higher score of your essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Recent figures shown an increase in violent crime among youngsters