Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Recently, youth movement has developed significantly, especially throughout voluntary activities


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

In the recent decades, youth movement has developed significantly, especially throughout voluntary activities. As a result of that, there are many communities that require large amount of human resources, so they usually hold open recruitment for finding volunteers. It is common that people that join into communities are not paid, and I argue that it is greater rather than they work for money purposes.

As already we know together, social communities have the primary goal for helping many people such as poverty, juvenile delinquencies, street children, orphanage, and others. So, most of their funding are used to reach their aim, not for their volunteer. It will bring negative effects to the volunteers if they are already promised to get salary of their work. They become less sincere, even it can reduce the money that actually must be donated for the other people. For instance, volunteer will be happy if they can get money from their work, but when the donation decreases, the amount of money that they get usually drops too, and it can influence their performance in that organizations.

In contrast, if the adult youths that work in voluntary mission is already told that they will not get any paid, we can see their real sincerity. They are usually more militant and have pure purpose to develop their own community. As a result, the community's donation will be more enormous because all of the money is given to the people albeit it is maybe still used for volunteers' need such as meals, drinks, even their uniform, but it is greater than if they still must be paid. Moreover, their ultimately high sincerity will bring much happiness even have the greatest value in the god's eyes. Although that, it is good if maybe the money is still given for one of them that has the best working performance for appreciating purpose, and to motivate the others for serving the best work.

To conclude that, people who work for the development of organizations should not be paid, because they occupy based on their sincerity and their kindness, so it will reduce the communities' spending and make it to be more developed.
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Hallo faiz.. here my suggestion for you..

It is common that people that (better you change it with who so that there is not repetition) join into (...), and I argue that it is greater rather ...

In contrast, if the adult youths that work in voluntary mission is already told that (...), we can see ... (subject verb agreement.. it must use are because the subject is plural)

Good luck
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
Hello Faiz, I think you writing is quite good. I will give you my correction. Feel free to correction me too.

Please attention this:
if you want to get good score in IELTS, I give you my tips for your writting.

First, conciseness minimum 8 maximum 15 words per sentence) , second is cohesion (lideas, paragraph >> plan your writing and read the question carefully) Then, Coherence >>> your ideas should be easily understood by the reader, you must grouping your data and making separate paragraph. And don't forget you must write at least 250 words, and using uncommon vocabulary, spelling and idioms.


Home / Writing Feedback / Recently, youth movement has developed significantly, especially throughout voluntary activities
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳