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TASK 1: Recycling Rate of Selected Materials: 1982-2010

nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 12, 2017   #1
The graph below shows the proportion of four different materials that were recycled from 1982 to 2010 in a particular country.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

recycling rate of four different materials

The given chart depicts the information of recycling rate of four materials in a country from 1982 until 2010, in percentage.

Overall, all the materials undergo rises from 1982 to 2010. Meanwhile paper & cardboard and glass containers change fluctuated, the proportion of cans and plastics always grow every year.

Recycling rate of paper & cardboard and glass containers increased 5% and 10% perspectively. In 1984, paper & cardboard rised around 5% then fell again in 1990 at the same number in the first year (65%). 3 years later, this material stood at highest level (80%) compared to other materials as well as its position in other years. At the end, it peaked at 70%. Glass container, on the other hand, started the position at 50%, in 1990 this material declined 10%, then increased into 60% in 2010.

on the one hand, aluminium cans and plastics climb until the last. Aluminium cans had huge percentage of increase, aroun 40%. Meanwhile plastics grew slowly every year, from 2% at first until 9% at last.

Please give me comments,feed backs, and band score if possible. :)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15036 4827  
Nov 12, 2017   #2
NIsa, I think you can score between a 4 and a 5 with this essay. The reason that I opted to score you within this range is because of the other minute considerations that the reviewer may have in scoring your essay that I might not be privy to. I found your essay to be confusing in presentation and difficult to follow in terms of the information presented. Let me focus on describing the ways that this sort of presentation can be better accomplished with your future essays.

Let's start with your summary overview. While the summary and trending statement can be placed anywhere within the essay, you were right to place a semblance of it at the start of the essay. That helps to create an outline that the reader can follow as he reads your analytical essay. The problem with your presentation is that the outline was not presented, thus making the essay difficult to follow and without a reference point for the reader to refer to in instances of confusion. Your opening paraphrase could have been more specific as an overview presentation had it been worded in a manner similar to the following:

The graph below summarizes the data for recycled materials. These materials are paper & cardboard, glass containers, aluminum cans and plastics. As per discussion requirements, I will be presenting the given information based on its main features and comparison points whenever possible. The information presentation will be grouped per recycling classification. Based on the initial information, it appears that xxxx had the highest recycling rate over the given time frame.

When you describe the information you will be presenting first, the reader gets a mental picture of what to expect of the discussion and how it will be presented. By grouping the presentation into related materials with a yearly comparison, the information presented will be easier for the reader to assess and remember. There will be lesser confusion because the information is not mixed up in the paragraphs. The paragraphs you presented become confusing because you present too much unrelated information in a single paragraph.

You can write up to 5 paragraphs in the essay, depending upon the needs of the illustration. Normally, it can be completed in 4 paragraphs. You just need to figure out how to batch the information presented. By the way, don't use parenthesis for information presentation because that makes it forgettable since it is implied as an optional piece of information.

Aim to write at least 4 paragraphs with 5 sentences each for the essay so that you can give yourself an opportunity to fully analyze and present the information. Don't allow yourself to get overwhelmed by the information provided. Grouping the information will allow you to better analyze and present the information. When faced with multiple comparisons such as in this essay, grouping will help you lessen the possibility of confusing the reader.

If you can apply the advice that I am providing you with here, you should be able to present an improved practice essay next time around. You can score up to a 5 with this essay so I do not doubt that you can do better with the next one.
OP nisarahma 2 / 5  
Nov 12, 2017   #3
Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate it.
Actually, I had difficulties when writing this essay. You're right, I overwhelmed with unnecessary information, I don't know how to do the right grouping.

I hope I can apply your advice, wish me luck I'll have real test IELTS soon.

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