IELTS Writing Task 2 - REDUCING CRIME RATE

REDUCING CRIME RATE

Topic: Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While some individuals think that giving longer prison sentences is the best solution to deter illegal activities, others believe that there are many other measures to diminish the crime rate. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and explain why I agree with the latter group.

On the one hand, many people argue that giving severe punishments can reduce the crime rate. When heavy penalties are introduced, people may help the feelings of fear. Due to the fact that if they are in prison, they are more likely to suffer from diseases, war, or hunger,... In many cases, some criminals who were bullied in prison will be scared if they have to stay there for a longer time. Besides, lengthening prison sentences means the time that prisoners can come back home, reunited with their families is longer. Some studies have shown that longer prison sentences are effective in decreasing criminals as well as preventing recidivism. Therefore, the government should lengthen prison sentences to create a better society.

On the other hand, it is argued that education has been proven to be useful in dealing with illegal issues. In modern society, there is an increase in the number of juvenile crimes. They tend to take part in criminal activities such as purchasing illegal substances, dangerous racing, or robbery. The primary reason leading to this phenomenon is the lack of education from family and school. Hence, education plays a crucial role in raising awareness as well as affecting positively teenager's behaviors. It not only stimulates people to become good citizens but only helps them understand the consequences of their behaviors. For instance, in some nations in the world, young people are encouraged to participate in practical experience for a short time in prison in order to feel the difficult circumstances in captivity. As a result, these authentic experiences will prevent them from offending in the future.

In conclusion, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that education plays an important role in diminishing the crime rate to form a great civilization.

When writing this a response to this type of question, you should avoid doing 2 things:
1. Using a complete phrase from the original presentation;
2. Neglecting to offer a proper thesis statement. A repetition of the discussion instruction, then providing a personal opinion without a summary basis will not be scored.

Since you presented these 2 errors in the presentation, the preliminary TA score will be a failing one.

The GRA score will also be reduced since you made punctuation usage errors such as using a comma and ellipses successively. The English grammar rules dictate that you use only 1 punctuation mark per idea presentation. You cannot use 2 punctuation marks successively as it affects the clarity of your writing in relation to the actual idea and emotion you want to present to the reader. So you have already received a failing score in 2 sections, it will be difficult for you to achieve a passing score at this point.

By neglecting to present a fully developed personal opinion using proper reasoning and evidence in a stand alone paragraph, you have assured yourself of a failing score. The personal opinion, when presented as the conclusion of the essay forces the essay to receive an automatic failing mark.