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All regions in Canada had the highest percentage of international alumni in 2006, apart from Alberta


ryan31 65 / 96 15  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the information about the proportion of international alumni from the third level of education in several Canadian regions between 2001 and 2006 measured by percent was illustrated in the bar chart. Overall, all regions had the highest percentage in 2006, apart from Alberta.

Initially, there were three provinces that had more than 6%. It was followed by Alberta and British Columbia. Although both regions had more than 4%, Alberta was higher than British Columbia. Surprisingly, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percentage at 3 %. This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%

In 2006, a more detailed looked at the bar reveals that there were only three areas getting more than one out of ten consists of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, and British Columbia. This was followed by Quebec at around 8%. After that, Manitoba and Newfound Land & Labrador had a similar percent at roughly 7%. Then, Ontario had 6%, while Alberta occupied in the last position at approximately 4%.



NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 12, 2016   #2
Hi there.. Your writing is great but there are some correction that I think will make it better.
try to make sure for SV issue..
keep spirit!

measured by percent
measured in percentage

was illustrated
is illustrated

Alberta was higher than British Columbia.
Alberta was higher number of alumni than British Columbia.

... had a similar percentage at(comma) 3 %.

This was higher than Ontario where had at 2.5%
This was by far higher than Alumni in Ontario where had at just 2,5%

... had similiar percent
had a similiar pattern
Ashkan123 12 / 33 2  
Nov 12, 2016   #3
Hi Ryan, Hope you are doing well
Here is my contribution toward your essay.
1.First of all, I think you should use more linking verb.To me, It seems several sentences that just put together in one or two paragraph.

2.I wouldn't use " Surprisingly."Try "interestingly " or something similar
3.measured by percent =>Mesured in percentage
4.you used past tense to explain something about the graph. I suggest using present simple to explain facts

Good job ,Keep it up and please help me to improve my writing as well.


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