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The number of foreign learners alumni from colleges in several towns in Canada

andika08 81 / 80 16  
Nov 11, 2016   #1
The bar chart reveals information about the number of foreign learners alumni from college in several towns in Canada over five-year period. Overall, except Alberta, others countries was by far the most significant changed. Also, New Brunswick levels was by far the highest proportions of others.

New Brunswick levels far dominated of graduating people both of the years at 7% (2001) and approximately 12% (2006). This was followed by British Columbia, almost 5 % in the first of year and around 11% in the last of year. In addition, the large gap was seen in the level of British Columbia by 6% when it came to 2006. Unsurprisingly, both Manitoba and Newfoundland&Labrador still stayed the same of proportion by 3% in the former year and 7% in the latter one.

Turning to the another diverge proportion, Alberta proportions experienced a decline of number by 4% when it moved to the end of year. Other level of countries performs only a big-scale for alumni college proportion.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,787 4778  
Nov 11, 2016   #2
Andika, I would say that this could get a band score of 5 if provided in an actual test setting. The reasons that I believe that would be your score has its basis in the scoring criteria itself. While you attempted to cover all of the important information in the essay, you failed to give a listing of the countries covered by the graph illustration. The overview suffers from incomplete information as well. Points will be deducted for those in an actual test. You also have a problem regarding the cohesion and coherence of your sentences. The problem is that the sentences you develop tend to be unclear due to your limited vocabulary. These problems combine to make a difficult to understand essay on your part. Finally, you have tremendously frequent grammatical errors that will cost you a big chunk of your final score in an actual test. I suggest that you consider the parts I am concerned about and try to develop those aspects in preparation for your next practice test.

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