Relocation to cities in order to look for a job.

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for a job.
What will be the consequences of this? What solution can you offer?

labor migration

These days are days of new hand-held computer devices, e-commerce and online shopping, It is difficult to just imagine people who are working on fields. Of course, they still exist but are in danger of extinction. They are shifting from their known rural areas to urban cities in order to look for a better job.

I think this event will cause mushrooming array of problems and difficulties. Firstly, the city traffic congestion will get even worse and pollution will increase dramatically because the cities will be stuffed with large number of population. There will be rise in house rent price and a lot of slums, where people suffer from sanitation problems, violence, drug abuse and crime. Sudden surge of people in these urban areas will lead to not enough food supply for everyone and import will be needed. As all of us know, imported commodities are expensive and we will get our situation even harder.

To tackle this situation, government should take proper and adequate measures. I think this could be done by some reconstruction in the government's rule system. Government should start to stimulate people interested in agriculture and investments should be attracted to the rural areas. Not only to create job opportunities but also to further develop the agricultural sector of economy. Local councils also can take steps to upgrade the standard of living in rural areas with better hygiene and sanitation in villages.

To sum up, migration may make many negative consequences and government plays a major role in maintaining the state of equilibrium in the country.

Do not capitalize in the middle of your sentence.
Put a comma in front of 'and' when you are listing something.
You use a lot of 'will' why don't you use present tense? It makes your essay look more clear and give confidence.

Overall, your grammar use is good but flow and sense is unnatural to me.
DON'T MIND ME TOO MUCH, I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT FROM NON-ENG SPEAKING COUNTRY.

@ismigyul you have the right idea regarding the discussion for this essay topic but you have the wrong approach for it. One of the mistakes you made was that your opening paraphrase did not accurately paraphrase the topic, as in simply restating it in your own words, and it also lacks a thesis statement at the end. For some reason, you used the thesis sentence as the topic sentence for your first body paragraph. A more appropriate paraphrase with thesis statement would be similar to:

As more people move to the city to work, the agricultural landscape has less and less people working in it. Due to this trend, society may tend to experience several problems such as traffic congestion and rising cost of housing. These are problems that the government can solve by taking adequate measures to address the situation. One possible solution is to strengthen the local regulations regarding housing and traffic.

Since this is a direct response essay, it will be best to offer an outline of the discussion as part of your prompt paraphrase and thesis statement. That way, you not only present a outline of the discussion, but you also offer a overview of what the content of the body of paragraphs will be.

Now, with regards to your body of paragraphs, you are not really discussing the topics that you present in the paragraph. You are only mentioning it without proper reasoning and supporting examples. If you wish to show a stronger defense of your discussion, stick to the one topic per paragraph discussion. Strengthen the discussion with supporting reasons and exemplifications for the single topic you presented alone. That way you can fully present a coherent and cohesive thought process.

Try to expand your concluding summary to at least 3 sentences in every essay that you write. Remember, you need to summarize the body of discussion along with the prompt restatement and your thesis statement at the end. In this instance, your single sentence presentation doesn't really close the essay on a strong note. It feels little to not developed at all in terms of discussion presentation.