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Too much requirements from students? Should they focus strictly on the academic subjects?

yuzukachan 1 / -  
May 16, 2017   #1
- With the pressures on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the intense of student's study

Nowadays, people are concerning about the intense of student's study. Along with that, it is generally believed that getting into university is the best way for future's career. Therefore, they come up with the solution of getting rid of non-academic subjects such as physical education, music, cookery. On my point of view, this is a subjective idea, which can not wholly answer for this question.

Admittedly, academic subjects are considered as major in school but in my opinion, it is as important as the non-academic ones. While theoretical disciplines increase the logical thinking, the other not only improve student's creative thinking but also their physical strength. It can be exemplified that physical education is very important with students. If alumnus is sedentary for a period of time without exercise, it may easily lead to degenerative spine and also many diseases related to bones.

In addition, choosing to study academic or non-academic subjects depends on each student's future dream and career. You can not make a fish climb a tree. Each student have their own ability and also their own talent. For instant, a student who have the right brain developed and want to be an artist or singer usually don't prefer subjects like math, biology and also don't really use them later. So why they have to study all of the theoretical disciplines while their preference is not in syllabus?

In conclusion, I myself think that the reasonable solution is not to remove any kind of subject but to free the students to choose their own subjects that they can take benefit in the future.
Ahmadham 4 / 11 7  
May 17, 2017   #2
Hi..You got to know that essay question with agree and disagree type can be answered by five forms of answers. This all is fully agree, fully disagree, mostly agree, mostly disagree, or balance position. However, the way that you made your essay here is not one of them. In this case, actually you are only asked whether to agree with the idea or not, and the reasons confirming your preference should be addressed in the body paragraph. In addition, I noticed that the structure of your body paragraph is still far from what is expected. Thus, your thought is hard to follow. As refinement, I am going to tell you that body paragraph consists of three essential elements: topic sentence, supporting sentence, and conclusion. Those components can be broken down into Idea (the first reason why you choose your position (agree for example), explanation (a description of your idea), example (can be either academic reference or real example related to the idea), and semi conclusion (restatement of idea, along with its explanation).

I hope this little suggestion can help you to improve your IELTS writing skills.
Thanks :D

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