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IELTS: Residents of Germany have allocated less money amongst the four European countries


eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Jan 19, 2014   #1
The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

The given chart shows the fact about 4 European countries: Britain, France, Italy, and Germany spending the amount of money for six customer goods, namely photographic film, toys, CDs, perfumes, tennis racquets and personal stereos in thousand pounds sterling.

Not surprisingly, the four European countries have spent the highest money of the customer goods in photographic film and toys, although these countries reach troughs at tennis racquets and personal stereos. Then, the expenses of CDs and perfumes were ranked third and forth.

It can be observed that the expenses of Britain in all categories are between 153 and 172 thousand. France has had the same as expenses of toys and CDs, with 160 thousand, but has hit a low at money spending, with 145 thousand pounds sterling in perfumes and tennis racquets, although this country rebounds gradually to 148 thousand in personal stereos.

Also, in the same case of Italy, the expenses of CDs, perfumes, tennis and personal stereos have been counted out 150 and 153 thousand. Then again, by comparison with the four customer goods, both photographic film and toys have been turned into the highest ones in 156-158 thousand, mainly attributed to Italy. Meanwhile, the fluctuation of money spending on all categories, ranging from 145 and 150 thousand, is recorded from Germany.

All in all, if we analyze the chart we can see that the residents of Germany have allocated less money amongst the four European countries, while the Britons rank first in spending money in all customer goods.




dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Jan 20, 2014   #2
The given chart shows the fact about 4 European countries: Britain, France, Italy, and Germany spending the amount of money for six customer goods, namely photographic film, toys, CDs, perfumes, tennis racquets and personal stereos in thousand pounds sterling.

This needs improvement in its presentation;
The chart illustrates the spending by four European nations; British, French, Italian and German, in pound sterling on six different types of consumer goods, namely photographic film, toys, CDs , perfumes, tennis rackets and personal stereos.
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Jan 21, 2014   #3
Ok Dumi..., I really appreciate it. Anyway..., could you please show me other points from my report writing above I should improve? Let's say, like sentence to sentence or sentence to paras for the coherence and cohesion? And, What about the word choices?
Pahan 1 / 1,908 553  
Jan 21, 2014   #4
Ok, I've got a point to say about what you asked from dumi :)

Not surprisingly,

In Academic Task 1 of the Writing module, you are expected to write a short descriptive report based on graphical presentation or data. So, it is your report writing ability that they want to test. So you need to adopt a more formal tone which is more appropriate for reporting. Avoid phrases like above that sound more personal.

Not surprisingly, the four European countries have spent the highest money of the customer goods in photographic film and toys, although these countries reach troughs at tennis racquets and personal stereos. Then, the expenses of CDs and perfumes were ranked third and forth

Idea wise, this is a good overview. But what lacks here is the appropriate tone. Your word choices should be more aligned with report writing and sentence should be more concise and clear.
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Jan 21, 2014   #5
Wow... Pahan, thank you very much. You have shown me more than I expected.
Once more, these points, as noted above, are remarkable insights

word choices should be more aligned with report writing and sentence should be more concise and clear

into my next writings. Again, thank you.


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