Responsibility for teaching children how to behave.

Teaching children and young people how to behave is the responsibility of parents, not schools or government.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.
The responsibility for raising youngsters is now being widely concerned by the community. Although some people believe that only parents are in charge of teaching their children to behave properly, I would disagree with this idea because I think schools and government are involved as well.

In the first three years when children are mostly educated at home, the responsibility fully belongs to their parents. Father and mother have to teach their offsprings some basic behavior which could be very important in forming a base of children's disposition. However, few years later when children enter kindergarten, they start to spend a lot of time at school with their teachers and schoolmates, who influence them heavily on their behavior. At this young age, children tend to imitate other people they are in contact with, particularly adults. This is why adult's behavior should be very considering, which teachers are the most suitable because they have been trained carefully. Moreover, schools create environment in which children learn how to make relationship with friends, teachers, how to act in public, and more importantly, moral rule and discipline. Those knowledge might not be taught by parents, but school.

On the other hand, government should make some effort to create a better society with educational policies. They should encourage children to go to school in order to integrate with the community.

To sum up, schools and government play a vital role in shaping youngster's character. If all three aspects could co-operate to lead children to proper behavior, we will have helpful and useful service run by younger generation.

Please help me correct it, and I'll help you in return :)

Dear Trunhiuhoang

You have a good idea in your writing, i will try to give you some suggestions.

IT IS INDISPUTABLE FACT THAT THE ROLE OF THE PARENTS TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILDREN IS PIVOTAL. HOWEVER, IT CANNOT BE DENIED THAT THE GOVERNMENT AND THE SCHOOLS MUST ALSO TAKE ACTION TO HELP THE PARENTS TO BUILD THE CHARACTER OF THE CHILDREN. THEREFORE, I REALLY DISAGREE WHEN SCHOOLS AND GOVERNMENT DON NOT BE RESPONSIBLE TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN.

Note : I suggest you to divide this paragraph to be 2 paragraphs.
1. In the first paragraph, you can explain the role of the parents to educate their children

[...] Father and mother have to teach their offsprings some basic behavior which could be very important in forming a base of children's disposition..................................................

2. In the second paragraph, you can describe the importance of the government and schools to take action to help the parents to educate the children

[...] They should encourage children to go to school in order to integrate with the community. ......................................................

Thank You :D

Hello Hoang, I have read your writing and here is my suggestion for you.

1. Your thesis statement briefly explains what you'll talking about in your essay, so that it will automatically shows your grouping in your writing. In this case, your thesis statement groups your idea into (a) only parents take responsibility, (b) government and schools also take responsibility

2. You have 2 groups of view, and you should consistent about it. You have to include main idea in each body paragraph which is related to your two groups respectively. And, to make a cohesive paragraph, you have to avoid adding statements which are irrelevant to your main idea. From your writing, your first body should explain "why people assume that only parents is responsible", but you write some reasons why schools also responsible for it which is belong to your second body paragraph.

I hope it is helpful :)