guidance about rules and discipline
In my point of view, it is clear that school and family play a crucial role in teaching good manners. First, family is by far the coziest place for everyone to come back. From a little child, we are born and upbrought with the warm welcome of parents. Until we grow and learn how to walk on our own feet, how to express our needs, it's family that support us much. Certainly, we will imitate what we hear directly from people around us. For example, if parents never talk with a full mouth open, their children will obviously be polite when eating. Second, schools provide students with basic skills to build good manners. In fact, schools always impose rules and discipline which every student need to follow. The most clearly seen case might be the suspension or even an exclusion if students break the rules, which is based on different levels. As a result, students will try their best to become good ones. To sum up, it is essential to have a good education and a family that always supports and stands by us.
@thuonglt
Hello there. Welcome to the site! Since you are new here, feel free to venture and interact with your fellow students. I'm here to provide you with feedback on this writing to hopefully help you in your future endeavors.
Firstly, before I begin, my initial thoughts directly lean towards explaining that the separation of three paragraphs to compose one essay is critical. This essentially helps the readers know that you have sufficient knowledge on this topic to be able to write with ease about it. Because of this, I initially suggest that you stick with this conventional and fundamental set-up for your written work. Not doing so would certainly negatively impact the way in which your essay would be understood by the readers.
Taking it a bit further, while I find that you were attempting to incorporate a lot of key details into the writing, you lacked dynamism in the overall portrayal. Consider the third paragraph onward. You were already over explaining your sentiments rather than going straight to the core issue that you wanted to focus on.
