Unanswered [26] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve the poverty problem

thaivo 1 / -  
Jul 11, 2019   #1
Write about the following topic.
Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Solutions to Global Poverty

In the world, a distance among developed and developing countries is more and more enormous. Therefore, residents in rich areas have a tendency to give a lot of kind of supports for the rest countries without providing them money. From my perspectives, I agree with that view and will explain out my several compelling reasons.

On the one hand, relief people staying in the poor regions is completely crucial. Citizens there will provide a lot of latest facilities or equiments, which is to enhance and better their lives. They not only have more knowledge and special skills but also comforts may be existed in living standard in the future. Let take a typical example, imaging that artificial intelligence have never existed before in their work leading to maintaining poverty situation, however, when applying hi-tech, products are manufactured tremendously and make works more efficient. Additionally, the rich will control items they gave instead of fearing the poor waste their money in insignificant activities.

On the other hand, I quite disagree with that view due to the fact that donating many things with the exception of money is meaningless. In some cases, people need cash in emergencies such as accidents or diseases. So, the relief from the rich become barking up the wrong tree, which these things may be useless. Moreover, they even do not enable to buy their most essential things while a numerous unexcepted things are provided.

In conclusion, from many ideas mentioned, I think people, especially the wealthy, should have more solutions when having an donative intention. People also should concern about the things we give in many different situations.
nimbus2k2 8 / 25 6  
Jul 12, 2019   #2
Hi @thaivo, your essay consists of quite a lot of mistakes. To name a few:
"In the world, a the distance among between developed ... is becoming more ..."
"a lot of kinds of supports"
"the rest countries"
"From my perspectives"
"will explain out my several ..."

In some sentences the meaning is not very clear:
"..., relief people ... is completely crucial."
"... but also comforts may be existed ..."

Your third paragragh requires more supporting ideas. And don't use idioms if you are not sure how. I suggest you work on your vocabulary so you may apply more academic words in your essays. And keep practicing your writing!
lichien0422 5 / 8 3  
Jul 13, 2019   #3
Hi @thaivo,
In the last paragraph, it would be nice if you paraphrase the question, reasons why you agree/disagree and state again your opinion.

Hope this helps. Good luck!
Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jul 13, 2019   #4
Hello there. I'll provide you with feedback on your writing.

Firstly, try to use more technically appropriate words in replacement for the casual language. This will help you curate a more academic language for your writing. For instance, the phrase "more and more" can be replaced with the word increasing. Both have the same meaning, however the latter is more appropriate. Keep this in mind.

Aside from that, your grasp of language is decent. You had logical links with examples that are put-together and effective in relaying the information you have. Try to just maximize the space you have in your essay.

Best of luck as always.

Home / Writing Feedback / Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve the poverty problem
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳