Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations
Nowadays, there is an argument that whether wealthy countries should share their wealth to poorer countries or the poor ones should have to take care of their citizens by themselves. In my opinion, I would argue that in somewhat, rich nations should express their responsibilities to the world by sharing their helps to the poor nations; however, the poor nations also have the main responsibilities to develop their nations by themselves.
On the one hand, I agree with the argument that rich countries should help other countries by providing such things as food or education. The fact is that there are a large number of countries are still really poor. The people does not have basic living condition, even more does not have enough clean water or food as well. Living in a global and regional integration period, rich nations, rich people should not stand alone without sharing with them. Through international aid packages or charitable activities, wealth nations might help the poor nations, poor people to lift out poverty. For instance, after the Vietnam war, vietnam is one of the poorest country in South East Asia, however thanks to international aid packages as well as the rich nations' helps, nowadays, Vietnam is becoming a developing country, the citizens have a good life and enjoy the life.
On the other hand, I would argue that poor countries should take care of themselves first. Firstly, the governments voted by their citizens are representation of the country and paid by the citizens' taxes. Therefore, the governments not others have to have main responsibilities for their citizens. Secondly, the fact is that, there is no country that helps other does not ask any incentives from the host country. For example, wealth nations might help other by investing heavy into the poor country through opening big companies. They might generate a large number of job opportunities for local people, however, they also might lead to over-exploiting of resources, or environment pollution that their later generations have to face in the future.
In conclusion, I would like to argue that rich nations should share their strength with others, besides, poor nations also need to look after their citizen themselves.@hungxd08
Hi. Here's my feedback on this essay.
Be straightforward. When we take a glance at your first paragraph's introductory sentence, what hits me immediately is the fact that it's too lengthy for what you're trying to say. You could have just said that there are debates on wealth distribution and left it at that. Notice how packaging of words is crucial because it can make or break your writing. Even more so, in cases wherein you work within word counts, it becomes even more imperative to ensure that you are not wasteful in your language.
The conclusion is lacking primarily due to that fact. When you're so focused and centered on a specific idea, you will have a tendency to forget the rest of the writing that's also equally as important as those other parts. Try to keep all your paragraphs balanced and do not treat one part more important than the other as they are all equally looked at when evaluating the write-up.
Dear Maria,
Thank you for your very valuable comments!
I read my essay again and I really realise the main problem of the conclusion because I did focus on other ideas.
So, I will revise my essay to be more coherent and concise!
Have a good day!
Best regards,
Hung
