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I think that wealthy nations are not required to share wealth among poor nations


tityeu 2 / 4  
Apr 16, 2010   #1
Any one could help me? I am staring writing an essay and i find so many difficulties in catch up time and use variety of word as well grammar structure. I could be very thankful if someone can help me with this.

topic:

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poor nations by providing such things as food and education? or it is the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

In my opinion, the governments of poor nations have to be responsible for looking after their citizen's themselves.Since it is their own responsibilities and benefits in managing and conducting countries.

First of all, looking for citizens is the most important responsibilities of governments.The governments are established to represent for their people,their nations in the world.Hence,the government always work for the benefits of countries and people of their countries.People are the most treasured assets of countries and they needed to be lived,educated and behavioured equally.If the governments can not take care their own citizens,they then can not take care their own countries

Secondly ,looking after people of their countries is the governments' benefits as well.Unless their people are healthy , educated and wealth,countries will soone decline and get poorer.This has the same meaning with the collapse of the governments .On the other hand,if governments do well in managing people,give back and support to the poor,promote the rich,the governments then build an ideal society without social evils and diseases; as the result,they will be happier !

Above these reasons,some wealthy nations still should back poorer ones with food and education to some extent due to a peaceful and perfect world.The world can only be better built and rich nations can only built a perfect world when they make considerable contributions to the world and poorer countries.Consequently,sharing their wealth to poor nations is the appropriate works to the peace and sustainable developments globally.

Overall, each countries have to try to develop their countries and look after their citizens themselves.It is their own responsibilities in building and constructing nations .Backs from wealthier countries are just temporary aids for them in certain situations.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Apr 17, 2010   #2
use variety of word

Using a variety of words is not so important. It is important to use a word and really understand how it will affect the reader... taking the reader deep into the experience you are providing.

In my opinion, the governments of poor nations have to be responsible for looking after their citizens, (no apostrophe necessary here)themselves since it is their own responsibility and benefits the whole nation.

First of all, looking out for citizens is the most important responsibility of governments.The governments are established to represent for their people,their nations in the world.Hence,the government always works for the benefit of the country and the people of their country . People are the most treasured ...

The world can only be better built if rich nations build a perfect world when they make considerable contributions to the world and to poorer countries.Consequently,sharing their wealth to with poor nations is the appropriate action to take.

works to the peace and sustainable developments globally. Sustainable development is the creation of resources that is done in a way that will not hurt the environment of deplete resources.

You must use "country" to mean one country if you say each... like... each individual country.
Overall, each country has to try to ...

:-)
montes999 1 / 4  
Apr 17, 2010   #3
If the governmetns can not take care their own citizents,they then can not take care their own countries Here is something wrong. citizens take care their countries. Government is just people, the leaders of citizens and nothing else.Government depends on its citizens. and vice versa. The question is tricky. I think you need to think more deeply. Some sentences make paradoxes. (It is just my opinion. Don't mind if you mind. And vice versa :)
sharkondiet 3 / 22  
Apr 17, 2010   #4
Hi, tityeu

Above these reasons,some wealthy nations still should back poorer ones with food and education to some extent due to a peaceful and perfect world.

Why just "some wealthy nations"? if you say "some", I suppose you should elaborate on which nations you are implying :P

give back and support to the poor,

Maybe you referred to the verb " back up" in this phrase. I suggest you use "backing" or "backup" as a noun here since I'm not certainly sure "back" can be equivalent to "support" in this case or not.

Just some suggestions :) And btw, I'm very interested in the idea reflected in the last sentence :

Backs from wealthier countries are just temporary aids for them in certain situations.

Nice day!
greentea93 7 / 31  
Apr 18, 2010   #5
you said:"In my opinion, the governments of poor nations have to be responsible for looking after their citizen's themselves.Since it is their own responsibilities and benefits in managing and conducting countries."

and :"some wealthy nations still should back poorer ones with food and education to some extent due to a peaceful and perfect world.The world can only be better built and rich nations can only built a perfect world when they make considerable contributions to the world and poorer "

->Your arguments are not clear,do you agree or partly agree?

Secondly,your introduction is too short and vague.
And as thoigiandeyeu said,your essay makes a lot of grammatical mistakes.
OP tityeu 2 / 4  
Apr 19, 2010   #6
i am so grateful to be corrected with my first essay!! Thanks all of you so much for your help!

greantea93..: I intended to write another argument passage as the form of argumentative essay but i can not finish it in 40 minutes so i have left it to the conclusion,:((,I am trying to notive this later,thank you!
parker1234 - / 1  
Apr 19, 2010   #7
yes i agree with tityeu, in my opinion wealthy should helprd the poor nation in order to share their wealth as well as their support.


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