"Vika do you hear what we just said, you are going to America, we are your family now." The only words that I could hear was that I was going to America, nothing else matter from that point, I am going to America. My dreams had finally come true, but from now on things were going to be different.
I am writing a narrative essay and it would be great if I got feedback. This is just the beginning since I don't really know what to write about. Thanks
There are some minor grammatical and punctuation issues, but you seem to be highly literate, so we can largely ignore that. If you are looking for things to write about, or a direction to go with your paper, why not tell us a bit about yourself. This doesn't even need to be a part of the essay, but just something we can brainstorm with you for the writing process. When did you move to America, what are some major events in your life, etc...
Quite curious,
Cameron
Cameron,
A group of kids and I went to America on a "vacation", but really we were going there to see if we could be adopted. I was 9 years old at that time. I stayed with a couple of families until I finally met my parents that were gonna adopt me, but I didn't know this at that time because the people in charge of the program told the parents not to tell the children if they were or were not gonna be adopted just in case they weren't and didn't raise up hopes in the children. I went back to Russia and than I found out that my family was going to adopt me. They came to Russia to get me. I was 10 by that time. Hehe this brings back lots of memories! Thanks for you help.
As I looked through the names on the spread sheet I came across my name. "Yes, I'm going to America, I said" My heart started to pound louder and louder like a drum. Who knew that I was going to go to America. At the time I didn't realize it, but God knew what was going to happen. As I stepped down from the airplane which by the way was the first time I ever flew on, I felt weird. I was very far from where I was used to and the place I called home. I met my family that I was going to stay. I couldn't understand a word they were saying and they had to use different gestures like they would if I was a little baby. I felt very lonely with the family because they didn't have any children and I was used to having children everywhere since I lived in the orphanage. They than put me in another home with another family, I felt like a ball tossed back and forth from one family to another. The second family I stayed with was a nice family and they had children except I didn't get a long very well for some reason. Than the family called another family they knew and told them to meet me. At the time I didn't know that they were very hesitant about meeting me. When that family came to visit, I fell in love. It was the weirdest happy feeling in my heart. Somehow I knew that this was the family I wanted to stay with. They had two girls of their own. We spent the whole afternoon laughing and learning about each other. This family fell in love with me and they took me to their home. Those three days where the happiest days of my life, nothing could go wrong. I forgot all about Russia and where I was from and the people. I wanted to stay in America with this family. But, unfortunately I had to go back to Russia. There were tears in all of our eyes. My "future to be family" told me "We will come back for you." I believed them and knew that somehow I was going to see them again. As I traveled back to Russia, I felt sad to leave everything that I started to love. We wrote letters to each other for a year and than one day they were going to come to Russia to adopt me. When they came to Russia I was so happy. I was finally going to be part of a family. I felt like I won a million dollars. From now on things were going to be different. When I came to America I couldn't understand or speak English. It took me a year to learn it, and still am learning. I also had to get accustomed to the culture, the people, and the food. But I think the most important thing that I had to learn was about religion. My family was Christian and I didn't really have a belief. They taught me all about God and how He sent His only Son. I became a Christian my self later on. I realized that God was with me all along and that He had a plan for me. He knew that I was going to come to America and meet my family. It was God's timing and it was a perfect timing.
(I know that there are a lot of mistakes like grammar and everything, but let me know if thats a good start and a good story. Thanks)
There are many changes in our lives, like meeting new people or going to a new school etc., mine was coming to America. I can remember it as if it happened yesterday. I sat at the airport waiting anxiously for the plane to get it. I was setting next to my new adopted parents. So many things were running through my head like "I'll have to learn a new language and learn new accustoms." My heart betted faster and faster like a drum as I thought about going to America and living with a family for the rest of my life. I felt like I was Christopher Columbus about to explore and discover a new world. When I stepped down from the plane in America a weird but exciting feeling overcame it. I was leaving everything I knew, and was going to start a fresh new life. "Vika, are you ready to go home?" Home, where is home? Yes, I knew where home was, it was America in Flagstaff, Arizona with my new parents, 2 sisters, a dog and a cat! When I came to America from Russia I had to learn new things. I felt almost like a baby trying to take it's first steps. I had to learn a new language. Learning a new language is harder than you think it is. My mom home schooled me and I learned slowly each day. I would practice my alphabet my mom saying 'A" as in cat or "B" as in bat and so on. I also had to learn my numbers and math which did not go as well, but learned it at the end. I also had to get accustomed to the food. Although that was not hard for me since I liked food. Each night now family would teach me about Christ and how He died for me. Every night I would pray to God, it goes like this, "Dear God, thank you for this day. Thank you for letting me come to America. Thank you for giving me a family that loves me." There were days when I felt like a boat paddling through a big current, but than somehow the current went away and it got easier. I learned that even when things get tough and you don't know what's going on I need to keep on pressing forward.
(What do you think of this?)
...across my name. "Yes, I'm going to America," I said. My heart started to pound louder and louder, like a drum.
Who knew that I was going to go to America? At the...
As I stepped down from the airplane, which by the way was the first time I ever flew on one, I felt weird.
I met my family, the people with whom I was going to stay.
Those three days where the happiest days of my life; nothing could go wrong. ----A semi-colon works a little like a period.
Awesome story, Victoria.
I sat at the airport waiting anxiously for the plane. to get it.
So many things were running through my head, like, "I'll have to learn a new language and learn new accustoms customs."
I would practice my alphabet, my mom saying "'A' as in cat," or "'B' as in bat," and so on. I also had...
I learned that even when things get tough and you I don't know what's going on, I need to keep on pressing forward.
You are great!! Practice these corrections. I'm glad you are an essayforum member!
Thank you! Do you think I should combine those two different things I wrote about together?
Well, you have to take the best from each and condense it, refine it. That is how the process usually works for me. What is the best way to express their common theme? Do it if you have the inspiration for it.
:-)
