It has been said, "Not all learning takes place in the classroom." Compare and contrast

Question:

It has been said, "Not all learning takes place in the classroom." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from personal experience with knowledge gained from classroom instruction. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

My answer:

Brain is a complex part of human body. It consists of a complicated nervous system and it has an amazing ability to learn new things. This ability is improved through brain's evolution. This means, so many different factors can help a person to improve the ability to learn. Children learn things in their early ages by imitating their parents' actions and reaction. When a child is born, he or she starts to sense the surrounding environment and tries to communicate with it. In their early ages before they go to school, they learn many things from their parents such as speaking, walking, etc. After going to school, they start learning from classroom. They learn social behaviors such as making friends, taking part in social activities like sports teams and schools' ceremonies, etc. As it is obvious, knowledge about different things is gained through the learning ability of the brain but there is also another important factor in order to learn, that is the method for learning. In this essay two methods of learning will be compared and their differences will be discussed. First method is learning from classroom and second method is learning from personal experiences.

There are two reasons that gaining knowledge from personal experience is better. First of all, knowledge that is gained by personal experience is more valuable than one that is gained from classroom instruction. When you experience a situation you sense it and you see the results and products of it in front of your eyes so you would never forget that because human brain believes whatever the eyes see and the body feels. We can find out that experiencing something and getting involved in a situation teaches us how to react if the same situation happened to us once more. For example, you may not learn the process of baking bread from the class but you will learn it if you bake one.

Second, there are several things that may have scientific reasons but you cannot learn them from classroom instruction. For example, social behaviors are something you should learn over time from different experiences. Making friend is an example of social behaviors. No one can teach you how to find a friend. You can learn from the class that who a good friend is and what the characteristics of a good friend are, but making friend is something that you should experience yourself in order to learn.

There are also two reasons that gaining knowledge from classroom instruction is better. First, sometimes you won't get a chance to experience something. For example you will never see dinosaurs and you cannot see their extinction or you'll never experience Big Bang and you'll never see it. So you have to gain this information from the class.

Secondly, sometimes it is good to be forced to learn things. When you are in a class you have to learn everything that the instructor says, even you like the subject of the lecture or not. For example when you are in a music class, it is not important that you don't like classic music or you like pop music. The teacher will talk about every genre of music so you have to learn all of them which you wouldn't have learned by yourself.

In conclusion, these two methods differently help humans gain knowledge.

...before going to school
i think you should reduce the subject in the sentence so that it does not repeat the subject

I find these lines are pretty out of topic. They deviate too much from your topic. You need to focus on how learning takes place. This topic deals with whether learning happens through life experiences or education. So, your introduction needs to have a shift of its approach. Also, I feel it is a bit too long for an intro.


This is a repetition of what you said in your previous sentence.

.... I do not see a connection between the first and the second parts of this sentence. What are those several things that have scientific explanations? And how come they cannot be learned in classrooms? You need to specify to convey your idea properly to the reader.


.... Ok.... then you should have started with this point;
Second, there are several practical things such as human behaviors that you cannot learn through lessons delivered in classrooms.