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It is said, that the main goal of entrepreneurship is to collect money without looking on others


faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree of disagree?

Some opinions mention that the main goal of entrepreneurship is to produce money without looking others and keeping focus to this. In my view, I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money.

To start with, in order to make business more useful, it must look at social impact. It can be seen that when someone starting his own business, he also creates job opportunities for other people. In addition, there are many companies that built near the resident area. Furthermore, they can recruit people that previously unemployment around the industries. So, the aim of the business not just to make profit, but even they can increase the society welfare of inhabitants that stay around the company.

Moreover, enterprises should spend some of their profits to collaborate with government for national building purpose. Taken example of that, in my countries, many industries create programs that related to some aspects. First, educational aspect. They give a lot of scholarships usually for students in the university. Even they give chance for their awardee to do internship program and they also provide monthly salary. Second, social aspect. It is proven by some corporate social responsibility (CSR) programs that has already launched to help society. For instance, green environment programs that have aim to reduce global warming, entrepreneur training that usually teach social society to become entrepreneur, and others.

In conclusion, it is totally wrong if businesses only for money purposes, because there are many kinds of impactful activities that can be held by industries such as for education, social welfare, and others.

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hi Faizuna, you have a nice essay though. however here is some corrections for you

... goal of entrepreneurship is to produce money without ...
It is essential to understand about diction. in this case, proper verbs related to money are 'to earn', 'to collect', 'to get', 'to make', or 'to receive'. you may vary your writing through it.

... I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money.
you have stated your reason why you do not support the idea but it needs a strong reason indeed.
"If business is not always about money, then what else?...you may mention other factors in simple way that will be explained further on your body paragraph.
Stating it in the introduction section will lead you to have a well-structured essay.

Keep Writing. Best regards
ibe13 36 / 50 9  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
Aloha Faiz, here are my thoughts;

(1) ... goal of entrepreneurship is to produceget/earn/collect money ("produce" is not collocated with "money") without looking at others and keeping focus toon this.

(2)... I totally disagree because business is not just talking about the money(your reason is not too strong to draw people to read more your essay) .

(3) ... it is totally wrong ifthat businesses only for money purposespurpose , because there are many kinds of impactfulimpact activities that can (...), social welfare, and others.(avoid this word)


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