'saving land for the endangered animals' - toefl IBT issue

With the development of science and technology, human beings have gained increasing control over the world than anytime in the history. The human race have greatly expanded their territory which is beyond their ancestor's wildest dream. However, the comfortable and easy life we enjoy is gained at the price of ignoring the survival of other animals on earth. Now, though hard to accept, many animals have disappeared on the planet and many of the rest are in great danger. So, from my viewpoint it is more important to save land for endangered animals than to use the land for farming, housing and industry.

It is true that the significance of developing industry and building more houses for people can not be neglected, people now are depending on many of these commodities and some are waiting to move out of their ratty and old houses and live into new and nice ones. In addition, the call for more food to feed the population explosion is urgent. I think these problems can be solved through careful and reasonable plans but the situation that animals, once die out, nothing can be done to make it up.

Animal genes have valuable meaning in biology. The genes they carry are crucial to other species on earth. The food chain theory reveals that every species depends on each other. If one kind of animal dies out, its predator will be influenced because they can not find enough food. What is worse, this effect will pass on to other species as a chain. As a matter of fact, it is human who is at the top of the food chain will eventually be affected .Thus only with gene diversity can every species live in prosperous.

Furthermore, people should consider seriously that the resources are not infinite, the earth can not bear uncontrolled explosion of human population, or else people will end up with no food and space to survive. Actually a mount of land can be better used to meet our needs if we make a careful plan. Many grains are planted to feed cattles while in African countries many people are dying from starvation. If people can stop building large but unnecessary houses and decrease buying many luxury products, many land can be save to do the right things.

In conclusion, the importance of saving land for the endangered animals outweighs using these lands for food, house and industry purpose. The calling for protecting the endangered animals should raise everyone's attention; only through our efforts as a whole can we enjoy the beautiful world.

that is my ibt essay, thanks for your advice, that will be very helpful.

This is pretty good for a TOEFL essay, where the time factor prohibits one from looking up facts to support one's arguments. Still, you might have explained that growing grain to feed cattle is wasteful because it is more effective for people to eat grains (and legumes and other crops used as livestock feed) directly rather than by channeling them through animals.

A few corrections and suggestions:

I thinkT hese problems can be solved through careful and reasonable plans.

but the situation that animals, once die out, nothing can be done to make it up. -- This does not belong where it is placed, although it should be elsewhere in your essay, phrased as "Once an animal is extinct, nothing can be done to bring it back.

Thus, only in the context of genetic diversity (or "biodiversity") can every species live in prosperity .

thanks soooo much！
Actually the biggest problem is the time. This essay took an hour for me to write, so, i think i should speed up next time.

Maybe it is difficult for me to find enough reasons to backup my piont.

I agree with you claire echo.There's no way I can finish a 300-word essay in 30 minutes.
What's worse, my teacher says the reasons I give in the essays cannot backup my point. But the way I see it, they do backup my point.

Maybe reading a lot of good essays will help.

This is why TOEFL essay writers should skip the (all too common) introductions that talk about "modern society" or other such empty generalities and launch right into the question and the thesis. Too many writers waste precious minutes writing elaborate introductions that aren't very good anyway.

For a TOEFL essay, you're clearly on the right track. If you were writing for pretty much any other purpose, you would need to elaborate on your arguments in much more detail, but for a 45 minute job meant to show your basic English proficiency, you're fine. You have a clear thesis and the standard arguments needed to back them up. Your grammatical errors do not impinge on your meaning, although you should still try to limit them:

"With the development of science and technology, human beings have gained more control over the world than they have had at any other time in the history"

This is pretty nice essay for ibt Toefl. Your vocabulary is good.
I like your conclusion part.