Some say that pupils should be required to join in voluntary work in order to raise living standards

"unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program"

In high schools, there are numerous activities, which generally play a vital role in enhancing students' quality and broadening their experience. There is a hold perception that pupils should be required to join in voluntary work in order to raise living standards. Personally, I am greatly in favor of this point of view.

In my opinion, important though studying will be, children will have no practical experience without doing charity work. Moreover, their social skills, including communication or teamwork, tend to be limited in the light of they are less likely to do something useful for society.

Compared to those who have less opportunities to do unpaid community service, pupils making contribution to society free of charge generally gain more benefits. First and foremost, when joining in voluntary work such as doing charity or helping those in need, students possibly realize how lucky they are, teaching them learn how to appreciate their living conditions. Nowadays, many large companies appear to recruit applicants having both work experience and activities to help community. In order to boost students' employment prospects in the future, they should be required to involve in unpaid community service. More importantly, students' willingness to provide community with support free of charge, and this will shape civilized society and bring about social unity. This possibly leaves the better lives and opportunities for the disadvantaged. For instance, many children coming from remote areas was offered education and medical services thanks to voluntary work in Vietnam.

To sum up, I firmly convince that mandatory activities in high schools should include unpaid community service for students.

The prompt paraphrase section is an incomplete representation of the original. The second public point of view was not presented as a part of the opinion considerations. It should have been presented to prove that the writer completed a thorough analysis of the discussion points prior to representing the measured response to the question. While the paragraph presentation is on point and effective, the lack of the second option presentation is what made it an under-explained restatement.

The 2 reasoning paragraphs properly developed a varied supporting statement based on the writer's point of view. The first reason developed the analytical standpoint of the writer. This showed a coherent thought process that led to the point of view presentation. However, the paragraph is missing a transition sentence as the third representative sentence. This would have helped the paragraph meet the 3 - 5 sentence requirement for the paragraph and offered a smooth transition / change of topic introduction in the succeeding paragraph..

The example paragraph and explanation is solid and helps to connect the 2 discussion paragraphs. The cohesiveness in the presentation is highly evident. This is a well developed essay, provided the examiner will ignore the early presentation error. Regardless of that error, even the GRA issues do not affect the clarity of the overall presentation. This may just be a passing score essay .

Can I get 5.5 in this essay? Thank you for your help!