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Some say that teaching untalented children art in class does not have any benefits for their sake


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
Question:

It is pointless making children who lack artistic talent learn painting and drawing in Art classes at school. Instead, they should concentrate on other creative and practical subjects which they may have more aptitude. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Some people said teaching untalented children how to paint and draw in the class does not have any benefits for children's sake. Learning practical subject, more suitable to their interest is more acceptable instead. This essay would totally agree with this idea as learning how to paint or draw needs more time and children would be ready to face a real life when having been eposed to several practical subjects during the school program.

It is generally believed that how to paint and draw by children is take longer time to study. The reason is in this subject contain a different material that not many children can do it. For example, survey from University of Houston stated that 65% of children who learn about art spending much time than in the

others subject. It is true that by learning this subject children cannot focus on others subject.

In addition, another activity such as doing some project in the school would make them find their talent. This is because in this subject provide an practical experiment that make them would learn many new knowledge. For instance, research from University of London stated that 70% of children doing some project and find new discovery was getting the achievement and new experience. It is acceptable that by this practical subject the children would increase their ability to face the next life.

All in all, the art subject considered not really give effect for student that they should focus on studying another subjects doing projects. It would be better to concentrate on practical subjects as it provides more valuable material than art.
marimah 1 / 1  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
hi Andika
your essay have a correct planing
in my opinion you should replace:
This is because in this subject provide ana practical experiment
... a real life when having beeneposed exposed to ...
Some people said believe that
and about your conclusion, it would be better to write in another way.
I hope this will help. Regards.
amrillahmk 29 / 47 6  
Nov 1, 2016   #3
Some people saidsay teaching untalented children ...
Learning practical subject,which is more suitable to their interest(,) is more acceptable instead.
... face a real life when having been eposedwhat do yo mean by this? your idea is not clear to several practical ...

... and draw by children is taketaking longer time tothan study. The reason is thatin this subject contains a different material that not many children can do itmany children cannot do it.

... much time than in the others subjects.
... cannot focus on others subjects.

... this subject provides an practical experiment that makes them would learn manymuch new knowledge.
... children doing some projects and findfound that new discovery was ...
... ability to face the next lifenext life is ambiguous, because for me it means as same as after life.

All in all, the art subject considereddoesnot really give any effect for student so that they should (...) another subjects doing projects.

i noticed that you have problem with the use of other and another, subject+verb agreement. keep writing and practicing though, keep it up
IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 1, 2016   #4
Hi andika08.

It seems that you used many reduced forms of adjective clause and adverbial clause. However, it is acceptable in the IELTS test.
But, I think it would be better if you variate into the normal form of the clause.


1.

when having been eposed to several ...

Do you mean exposed?

2. The reason is in that this subject containcontainsa different materials that not many ...
For example, the survey from University of (...) who learn about art spendingspend much time than in the otherssubjectother subjects .
... learning this subject(,) children cannot focus on others subjectother subjects .

This is because in this subject provide ana practical experiment that make them would learn manymuch new knowledge.
... project and find new discovery waswere getting the great achievement and new experience.
... this practical subject(,) the children (...) to face the next stages of life.

Suggestion:You can add your personal statements in the conclusion to emphasise your state of this opinion.

Goodluck.
badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Nov 3, 2016   #5
Hello andika.
actually your essay is really good. but let me give you some suggestions

1. there is a misspelling in this sentence, be careful in spelling, because it is one of assessment elements in academic writing
... be ready to face a real life when having been exposed to several practical subjects...

2. be careful with uncountable noun.. you should use (much or amount etc)
many new knowledge. ----->much new knowledge.
this subject provide(S)
don't forget to add comma when you use conjunction [because, but, such as]
e.g.:This is because in this subject ...
but overall, you have good essay. i can understand your essay well. good luck.


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