Schools should fund the classes and extracurricular activities with the same money

Hello everyone, I am new here. I really want to improve my writting skill in TOEFL. Thanks for giving me feedbacks. :))))

Topic: At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries ans should receive equal financial support.

When it comes to the issue of whether sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support, different people may hold various opinions due to their personal experience and individual backgrounds. Some people believe that sports and social should not receive the same financial funding because they are less important than classes and libraries. However, others are convinced that sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal amounts of financial support. As far as I am concerned, the later prevails. My perspectives will be delivered as follows.

To begin with, sports and social activities play a crucial role in university community. To be more specific, there are many aspects of study for students to learn. They attend math or chemistry classes to get knowledge helping them become more competitive. In addition to acquire academic knowledge in classes, they also need a different way to learn other information. Getting involved in sports and social activities, students can make friends and share their experience to others which help them develop personal relationship. It is no doubt that a well-developed personal relationship can contribute to success in future career. Thus, the sports and social activities are needed to be fund with money. With the help of financial support, they can offer a wide range of activities and instruments for students to use. Take myself as an example, I currently attend an investment club and a basketball team. These extracurricular activities not only help me cultivate a good relationship between my classmates but also keep me in healthy mental and physical body.

In addition, it is fact that classes and libraries are important in education, while sports and activities can release our stress and pressures from hard working in school. We can have an access to release our pressures by doing exercise or joining social activities. It does really make students feel recharged after attending such interesting activities. When going back to classes, they can become more efficient and more concentrated. Hence, classes and social activities are mutual influential and equally important to students.

It is conspicuous to perceive that sports and social activities are part of university community and help students to form personal relationships well. We can effortlessly draw a conclusion that schools should fund the classes and extracurricular activities with the same money because they are equally important to us.

Universities help in the students' overall growth and development. They have to focus on the all the aspects that can help in making their future. Therefore I feel that both the sports activities and the libraries have equal importance in the students' lives and both should be given equal funds by the universities for their upgradation.

Universities should promote and also encourage the students to make a balance between studies and games. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. A student who does not play at all becomes dull and unhealthy and also the student who does not study and only plays becomes ignorant and lacks in knowledge. To strike a fine balance between both the fields the universities have to promote the development of both the libraries and the sports facilities.

There are a few students who are more interested in sports while there are others who do extremely well in studies .Each and every student has his own talent and hence universities should focus equally on both types of students and should fulfill the requirements of both the sectors of the universities. In addition now- a-days many universities have sports as an subject . So these universities should essentially have a good sports infrastructure.

In today's competitive world the students have to study a lot to excel and to get a reputed and dignified status in the society. So it is essential for them to have a break from their busy academic schedule and sports is the best option to revitalize their strength.

Therefore I believe that it should be mandatory for the universities to provide an equal fund to both the libraries and sports activities because sports are essentially important in the students mental and physical development and in making their future.

To Dolly, thaanks your suggestions.
Can you please correct my grammar mistakes?
How can I improve my writing skill?
thanks

I don't know much about grammar but you should write introduction paragraph more effectively and mention clearly you are agree or not agree with the statement.

Write conclusion with sum up of your essay

vaishali ,I belive in both the above written essays..the opinion has been clearly mentioned.Emily has written" the later prevails" and too have clearly stated there that " both should be given equal funds by the universities". I agree that the introduction paragraph could have been made more effective.ill work on that!! thnx for the help!!

Some people believe that sports and social activities should...

My perspectives will be delivered as follows. I don't know why people end their intro paragraphs like this. You should not just say you are going to tell your opinion. In fact, it is not even enough to state your opinion. You have to give your opinion and your main argument in favor of it. Do that in 1 or 2 sentences at the end of the first paragraph. It should have a sentence that contains the meaning of the whole essay, the message of the essay.

You should write about whether these 2 interests actually require the same amount of money. Include a paragraph that talks about whether they have equal costs... Perhaps both should be funded adequately, but perhaps one requires more money than the other.

:-)

Here are some model structure probably good for you. Have a look.
The topic of people's view on young people enjoy life more than older people do can be approach
from several different angles due to its complexity. Some people tend to prefer young people while
others seem to prefer old people. I have also developed my own point of view as well. I favor the
former position,that is,I think young people enjoys life more than older people do.
First of all,...
Second,...
Finally,...
If all these situations have been considered,I think the advantage of youngster carry more weight
than those of elderly. From the mentioned reasons above,I may finally draw a conclusion that young
people enjoys life more than old people do.
Wish I could help!

One more idea:


This is okay, but it is not the BEST way to end the first paragraph. It is best if you can write a sentence that sums up the main idea of the whole essay. That way, at the end of the first paragraph this sentence will make the reader aware of the main point you are writing about.