Toefl - Schools are not the only places to receive true education.

Hi!
I'm a beginner in English.
I need to your feedback about my essay.
Please help me.

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These days, there is an ongoing debate over whether schools are the only places to receive true education. Some people might agree that true education is possible in only schools. As for me, however, I would like to insist that students can receive true education in other places for two reasons: real experience and practice.

First and foremost, real experience can be a teacher for true education. The reason is that real experience reduces the gap of between theory and reality. For instance, when students go to a museum, they can actually see artist's works, ancient remains, and historical marks. Naturally, the students can learn real knowledge through these experiences. Moreover, students can learn characteristics of animals in a zoo. They can observe animals' detailed features and touch their body. Through this experience, the students can receive real education. Therefore, a variety of experiences related to education give students real education.

In addition, practicing knowledge brings about real education. Generally, people can feel and realize something by practicing knowing. This is because there are feedbacks in this practice. For instance, my major is a business. My professor wanted us to know ways to selling. Thus, we planned to sell apples in the street. At first, we did not sell any apples and use any strategies. However, after five hours, we were able to sell all apples. For attracting customers, some of us sang songs, and a few advertised our apples to people. Furthermore, we used discount strategy to allure consumer's concern. As a result, practice activities make us to learn many things and to apply our knowledge in real field. Accordingly, real education is possible outside of the schools.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that schools are not the only places to receive true education for the following reasons. Firstly, various experiences make students to receive true education. Secondly, practicing knowledge allows students to learn true understanding

Your statement is clear. If you can use multiple sentence structure, the essay will be better.

It is quite a good essay. You have followed all structures which should be considered in TOEFL writing.
I would like to mention it is better to add an other body paragraph. Generally three body paragraphs will increase score.

I just gave some advice about the same thing, so Ill give the same to you.

If you really want to know, I got a 27 out of 30 on my TOEFL iBT (It was not a 30 because I didnt had enough time to correct a couple of spelling errors), so this is what I did:

First of all, dont count how many paragraphs you use, it is better to know what will you put inside of these paragraphs. My technique was to put an introduction first, here you introduce your position on the subject, and what you are going to talk about on the next paragraphs. In the middle paragraphs, you put the pros and cons of each thing, and why would you consider it positive or negative, depending of what position you have on the subject, and finally, in the conclusion, you will resume all of the previous ideas so you can clearly present why you chose that position in this subject.

Second, try to use the most varied and specific words you may find. Instead of using "get" use "acquire", use "vast" instead of "large" and so on.

It is also helpful to think about how you are structuring your essay before writing it. Do so when you take the test, and after you are done writing it, re-read it for mistakes, and if you can for replacing the simple words and repeated words for more specific and varied words, like I suggested before. I am not sure, but I think I wrote about 4 paragraphs, so mainly, in order for you to write more, you need to administrate your time properly, otherwise you will run out if time, and that happens really often.

These are all the suggestions ive got, good luck on your test!