The writer's rewording of the original prompt is problematic because the phrase
that can help the student find a job.
is a direct cut and paste from the original presentation. As such the paraphrasing is not acceptable and will be give a failing score since the writer was unable to use word equivalents and could not show a personal interpretation of the original topic. This has affected the strength of his personal opinion which is also weak since it does not carry the summarized version of his reasoning paragraphs. He was unable to convince the examiner that he has a degree of English comprehension and interpretation skills that could help him complete a higher education level education in an English speaking country.
Incorrect use of a proprietarial apostrophe. The writer is indicating a plural form of the word which should have used the +S presentation instead of ownership, which is signified by the use of an apostrophe after a +S.
Upon a deeper review, the student shows an inability to properly use punctuation marks in his presentation, the result of which will be a failing GRA score and, quite possibly a failing overall score. Other reasons for the failing score will be the way the student uses contractions in an essay that is meant to show a formal writing ability based on English language writing rules.
The writer will lose points for suddenly changing his opinion in the concluding summary. This phrase contradicts his opening statement opinion and no longer follows the required writing format.