GRE essay (Science and Art)

Hello everyone. I am about to take the GRE exam this coming april 2009. My native language is not english. I have to improve my essay writing. Please comment on my essay. I really need help. I will submit several essays for my practice. This is my first essay:

Issue essay "Science tends to contribute to the stability of society. Art tends to destabilize society. This complementary relationship embodies their value."

In my own opinion, a stable society is a society wherein people live harmoniously, enjoying material abundance, and physical comfort. A society becomes less stable when people experience scarcity and unable to acquire the things that provides physical comfort such as food, clothing, shelter, and technology. For example, an increase in population can result to a rise in unemployment and/or under employment, increase crime rate, scarcity of food, and decrease privilege to education. Overpopulation and economic crises are closely link. Advances in research plays a significant role, for instance in the control of population. There are many different ways to control the increase in population ranging from pills to injectible hormones and many more. But to a large extent, scientist advance researches to accommodate the growing population. The invention of processed food, the discovery of genetically modified organisms, the manufacture of synthetic vitamins, and other drugs tend to destabilize society by increasing the risk to diseases. The negative impact of advancing technology to society defines how science contributes to destabilizing the society.

On the other hand, the statement mentions the role of art in destabilizing society. Art may take in many forms such as entertainment. Medium of entertainment such as movies, televisions, radios, and newspapers contribute to the stability as well as destability of the society. For example, there are employment opportunities in entertainment industries. However, media can be a negative influence to the society and may vitiate the society's culture and tradition. For instance, media plays a significant role in influencing how contemporary society should behave. The portrayal of crime scenes in movies and televisions may contribute to the increase in crime rate in the society.

The role of science and art therefore, may have positive and negative effects to the society.

Your essay lacks focus. It is not particularly clear what your thesis is, or what sort of relationship, if any, you believe exists between science and art. Overall, though, you seem to be arguing that both science and art can have both stabilizing and destabilizing effects. If that is your thesis, you should include a statement to that effect in your introduction. Then, you would want to identify how science contributes to social society and how it destabilizes it. You sort of do this, but you have no clear topic sentences to unite your examples. You don't really explain how science has helped with population control, for instance, nor do you discuss why "the discovery of genetically modified organisms, the manufacture of synthetic vitamins, and other drugs" should be viewed as increasing the risk of diseases, given that the countries that have these technologies in abundance also have the highest life expectancy rates. Likewise, your examples for art are, as they stand, too glib to be convincing. You would need to go into much more detail for both, and identify a general principle that your specific examples demonstrate.

Some grammatical stuff, too:

"A society becomes less stable when people experience scarcity and are unable to acquire the things that provides physical comfort such as food, clothing, shelter, and technology."

"Overpopulation and economic crises are closely linked. "

"Advances in research play a significant role, for instance in the control of population" A role in what? Overpopulation? Economic crises? The management of these?