Self-employment became popular among the majority of people. Why is that?

Topic:
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation.

why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Recently, being a self-worker has been popular among the majority of people comparing to be an employee at a company or organisation. This trend happens due to the flexibility of time and the high amount of gained income. Nevertheless, the stability of long-term self-worker should be considered as it might be one of the drawbacks.

Having an unfixed working schedule and unlimited salary is a sample of the opinion why people tend to begin their own business- as self-employed. As more and more expenditures become skyrocketed, while the wages that earn from being worker at a company have not any increase, people try to figure out solutions for their well-being. Apart from this, they can choose when they will be on duty and take a rest. In Indonesia, many fresh graduated start their own business by selling products or services online, rather than sitting to walk-out interviews for a big company. It can be seen from a decreased number of applicants either in public companies, such as Indonesia Fuel Company (Pertamina), or private companies.

Ironically, however, there is a fear that should be thought of by being self-employed: sustainability of the business. Since all the risks are in the founder's court, they are the ones who can predict how long their own start-up will exist. If they cannot manage well it, hardly does it survive in business battles. When one who is without any experience and networking establishes their business, it is highly likely to be a short-term business.

In conclusion, despite the benefits of being a self-worker, namely having a lot of spare time and a high rate salary, someone should think about the challenge which is possible to deal with, long-term business existence.

You have the right approach to the prompt restatement. Even the thesis statements provided are right on point with the discussion questions. However, there are portions in your reasoning paragraphs when it seems like you are transliterating in the sentence presentation, causing confusion for the reader when it comes to understanding the meaning of the sentence and its overall application in the paragraph. Perhaps you are thinking in Bhasa and translating it word for word to English? That is normally what students do, which results in the confusing sentence presentation. Always try to think and write in English, no matter how difficult it may be for you because that is the only way to get used to properly thinking and writing in English.

In the concluding paragraph, you used a run on sentence in the presentation when, due to the differing discussion points, you should have used at least 3 sentences for the presentation:

- Restated topic
- restated reason
- restated disadvantage

A run-on sentence confuses the reader. You need to make sure that you are not doing that by allowing the readers to pause while reading your presentation. That allows for clarity in the understanding of the summary paragraph. By the way, you have a problem with timeline references in the essay, learn how to use the past, present, and future tenses, along with its variations for future reference and better GRA scoring.

Hi, I think you may want to use some abstract words to give an overview of the paragraph and make it more coherent.

For example, why not try "flexibility"? I'd love to use it at the beginning of the second paragraph.

Flexibility is one of the factors that people take into consideration when they decide to be self-employed. They can enjoy unfixed schedule......

I believe it will make you essay more impressive.

As to grammar, I found some mistakes that you may want to correct. For example:

"As more and more expenditures become have skyrocketed (prehaps "have been skyrocketing"), while the wages that they earn ... have not seen any increase...

@Hold: Thank you for your feedback. it's really helpful
I'll try to be aware of the way I present my writing and the transition between past, present, and future.

@LadyOfClockwork: I got it. thanks so much.

@MsC
So far your Essay is quite good. However, you need such an easy explanation in body paragraph 1. If you have clear explanation in this part, you will have a good mark.

@NMU123
thank you, I'll try to rewrite this topic with the suggestions you've mentioned :D