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Topic: Leading countries must contain a majority of elderly people. Do you agree with?


fazilcansizoglu 1 / -  
Jul 15, 2016   #1
(Topic: Leading countries must contain a majority of elderly people. Do you agree with?)

Some people claim that population of the elderly people shows us the level of the country. But I believe that a number of teenage population demonstrates us the real level of the country.

Firstly, everyone knows that elderly people not able to work well rather than teen people. For example, English people are getting retired an early age. So that it causes to unemployment. If you had visited London you can see very old buildings. Because everybody in England is not working at their the most active age. So what are the unemployed people doing in the whole year? Unemployment is tending people to bad habits. So they are starting to use drugs and drinking alcohol.

As I mentioned before the majority of people saying that a county which contains elderly people are leading. However on that situation, we would understand that a country which contains elderly people very much is not leading at all.

I claim that if a country contains productive teen population instead of elderly people that country would be the most leading country for me. From my eye, it is a crucial thing to raise productive children for the future of the country.

In a conclusion, determining the level of leading countries should refer to the number of productive teen and adult population. I don't agree with the most leading countries contains elderly people. But as you can see that an old people who retired at an early age and who use drugs and alcohol wouldn't work as well as a teen person.

Wolf Larsen - / 127 47  
Jul 15, 2016   #2
Hello

Your text does make certain sense but it could use being improved stylistically. The suggested adjustments are as follows:

Some people [...] believe that the percentile ratio of senior citizens in a particular country positively relates to the measure of this country's social and economic well-being.

But I believe [...] I do not agree with this point of view. It is specifically the percentile ratio of adolescents that should be taken into consideration, in this respect.

Firstly [...] First... [...] elderly people are mostly retired, whereas youths actively seek employment.
For example [...] Brits tend to retire while comparatively young - something that contributes to the rise of unemployment in the UK.
you can [...] could..
Because everybody [ ...] The reason for this is that most people in Britain are not particularly hard-working.
Unemployment [...] The unemployed citizens spend most of their time doing drugs and drinking alcohol.
As I mentioned [...] No need for this sentence - it's redundant.
However [...] Thus, it appears that the countries with the large population of senior citizens cannot be considered very advanced, by definition.
I claim [...] believe that the more there are young people in a particular country, the more competitive it is.
determining the [...] developmental level...
should refer to [...] be concerned with...
I don't agree [...] with the idea that the most economically advanced countries must feature a large population of elders.
But as you can [...] This sentence is not very intelligible.. you should remove it.

I hope this helped. Regards.


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