Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Are senior homes the best places for the elderly?


Huong Pham 1 / -  
Nov 9, 2022   #1
Some people say that the elderly ought to live at senior homes. Others think that they should live with their family members.

Do you agree or disagree?



It is a common belief that nursing homes are the best place for the elderly. However, I firmly believe that they should live with their blood relatives because family members are responsible for taking care of them and they will live happier when living with their relatives for the rest of their life.

To begin with, family members must be responsible for caring for their parents and grandparents. In childhood, children were nurtured and educated by their parents, and parents devoted their time, effort, and even youth to bringing kids up. When parents get older, children must have an obligation to look after them back. For example, there are numerous extended families in Vietnam where multi generations live together under the same roof and it is a chance for family members to show love and care for their parents and grandparents.

On top of that, the elderly will live happier when living with their family members. When living with their blood relatives, bonds and relationships among members make them feel positive and peaceful. While living at senior homes, the old get lonely and feel abandoned which raises the high rate of experiencing sickness in their old age. According to a recent survey, the elderly tend to have higher life expectancy when they live with their blood relatives and are treated well. This demonstrates how essential relationships with family members are to help the old live happier.

To sum up, family members should have responsibility for caring for their parents and grandparents and the old will live happier when living with their relatives. For these reasons, it is clear that the elderly should live with their blood relatives for the rest of their life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,410 4391  
Nov 10, 2022   #2
The writer has misrepresented the original discussion topic in the prompt restatement section. Since there are actually 2 points of view being explained in the first version, it is not proper to say that the idea is a "common belief". He cannot interpret only one of the 2 provided ideas. He must restate each idea individually in the restatement. Otherwise, the accuracy of the restatement is faulty and will not meet the maximum positive scoring requirements for that particular section. He also forgot to respond directly to the question before offering his thesis statement. Although his reasoning sentence does indicated which side of the discussion he supports, the examiner still expects to read a direct response to the question as integrated into the thesis statement. The response should have been:

I disagree with the idea that the elderly should live in homes because...

Always blend the direct response with the reasoning summary to help meet the clear opinion statement requirement.

Save for this particular shortcoming, the essay actually carries sound discussion points and properly stays on track with the single opinion defense response in both reasoning paragraphs. Good word on the explanation development. Even with the error at the start, I sense that this essay should receive at least a base passing score.


Home / Writing Feedback / Are senior homes the best places for the elderly?