Note and instructions: Essay has to be in MLA format. Using descriptive details and into depth such as the 5 senses (sight,sound,taste,smell, and feeling) and can only use first person. There is no minimum or maximum words. Thesis is "Why are you at Columbia Basin College?." If anyone can help edit my errors or give me things to add to make my essay better please do. All help is appreciated. Thanks !
Michael Lam
Holmes
English 101
8th January 2011
Many people go to college for many different reasons. Some go because they are tired of working at a hideous crowded restaurant filled with ignorant customers that are impatient and rude. Others might be personal reasons such as bettering themselves by not sitting around being lazy on a comfy couch at home. I am at Columbia Basin College to get my associates degree. After that I plan on transferring to a 4 year university where the sun always shines and the breeze is always warm.
Education means the world to me, due to the fact that my mother did not have the same chance I did. My mother told me that I am lucky to grow up in this generation where average people can actually afford to get a meaningful education. Back then my mother had to work jobs that were tiring while she had to wake up everyday early in the morning and repeat the dreadful steps over again. I did not want to be in the same unhappy, boring, exhausted position my mom was in. I imagined in my head how grateful I am to not have to go through such heavy uncontrollable stress working jobs from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. every single day just to keep warm delicious quality food on the table.
I want to get my associates degree so that I can continue on going to a 4 year university and become a successful radiology technician later on in life helping people in need of getting x-rayed, and CAT scanned. When I look at current high school teenagers that just graduated senior year, I don't think they really do anything with their meaningful lives that have potential in being someone great but party at some random house supplied with illegal alcoholic beverages sitting in a cooler with bricks of cold ice. I would not want to have an undecided life, working at a retail job that requires a lot of hard work cleaning up after dirty people with no hygiene, dealing with rude customers, and frond upon for minimum wage barely supports me by paying off huge debts that I owe from providing my needs to live a wonderful life. By then precious time has been wasted when I could have been getting a great useful education that may benefit me in ways that I thought were unbelievable. I don't want to be living an unhappy, sad life with hard work.
Therefore I chose to go to college and plan on retiring incredibly early in my 20s. For the past couple of years the economy has been extremely bad to the point where my friends family are being evicted with no place to live. My friend's family is also getting laid off, jobs are incredibly hard to find, especially ones with no education degrees required. A degree from my point of view is like a ticket to get into a carnival ride. Without one I'm not be able to hop on and enjoy the thrills of what life has to offer.
Getting a degree doesn't just happen over night or a walk in the park. It takes a lot of work, time, and dedication to be able to achieve. At the end, long hours of class, and studying until your eyes cannot stay open no more with bags underneath them will pay off. I won't have to worry about finding work that doesn't require a degree, questioning myself everyday on what I'm going to do with my life if I did not go get a real education, or how I'm going to support myself by providing delicious warm food on the table, health care, and many other needs for me to survive throughout this long puzzled life I have ahead of me. I'll have the ticket right at my bony finger tips.
Getting a college education is the greatest thing I can do for myself. I have no doubt in my mind or any regrets that going to school will better my life in the future. Everyone has their own path in life on what they want to do. Mine is pretty simple, go to school, graduate, and enjoy life. Columbia Basin College a wonderful school with many helpful programs is where it all starts for me.
Always look at the first few sentences of the essay, and see if they can bear its weight. Do not expect the reader to be disciplined and keep paying attention if the essay begins with boring sentences:
Many people go to college for many different reasons. This boring sentence has no place in the essay, especially not at the beginning.
Let's make this the first sentence:
Some go to college because they are tired of working at a hideous, crowded restaurant filled with ignorant customers that are impatient and rude. ---That is a very good intro sentence for an essay!
... where the sun always shines and the breeze is always warm.---This is kind of cool, but not good enough. End the first paragraph with a sentence that makes it clear that you have carefully planned your education and that you have some distinct, short-term goals.
.. to a four-year university and ...----Use a hyphen, and write four instead of 4.
Getting a degree doesn't just happen over night or a walk in the park No cliches! No statements of the obvious!
. It takes a lot of work, time, and dedication to be able to achieve.
At the end, long hours of class, and studying until your eyes cannot stay open no more with bags underneath them will pay off. ---This is obvious, too, but at least it is written in a clever way.
Getting a college education is the greatest thing I can do for myself. Kill all boring sentences! :-)
One last thing... use a colon:
Mine is pretty simple: go to ...
school, graduate, and enjoy life. ---Let's not have it be so simple. Let's have it be that you are constantly thinking about how to live well and contribute in this world, and that makes you have a lot of goals, which means your goals are complex. That is always more persuasive to the AO reader... I know that is just my opinion, but I think it's correct! :-)
