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There are several goals of business that people want to achieve it.


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 2, 2016   #1
The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

There are several goals of business that people want to achieve it. Some people say that making much money is one of the essential thing. Therefore, an enterpreneur should more concern about it that others. However, I believe that giving best treatment of employees is also important thing as well as making money.

To begin with, people who think that businessmen should take more attention only on making profitable sales, it because they have to keep maintaining the own-label products to still exist. For example, by providing a new innovation or improving their quality products. In result, it can attract more consumers than before to keep buying their goods or products. Hence, they are able to earn much money.

However, the other main purpose is businessmen have to provide various benefits for welfare's employees. It can be one of the key reasons for take more workers to decide to accept their job offer, beside the purpose of business is to make money. For instance, providing leisure pursuits in the medium term of working time or providing extra money when the employee has to work harder untill midnight. As results, the business can not only gain large profit and boost sales, but also fulfill the happiness of their workers. Therefore, it is essential to provide employees welfare in a business.

Overall, I believe that to make money is important thing for business' purposes, but it can be help by providing several advantages for employees that also important to increase in the considerable amount of profit. (254 words)

badafebriani17 34 / 44 1  
Nov 2, 2016   #2
Hello miss septiadara29
i think your essay is pretty good. but let me give you some suggestions

1. there are misspellings
enterpreneur--> entrepreneur
untill ------------->until

2. you should put article "the" when you use superlative words
giving best-----> giving the best

good luck

3. ... accept their job offer, besides the purpose ...
beside---> preposition to mention something around you [e.g.: pen beside a book]
besides--> preposition or linking verb that has meaning " in additional to"
so, i think it more suitable if you use "besides" in this sentence

good job. and good luck miss
Anna94 47 / 56 3  
Nov 2, 2016   #3
HELLO,

There are several goals of business that people want to achieve it [it >> refers to several goals, so i think that it is better if you remove the pronoun ].

... more concern about it that [than ] others.

... to keep maintaining the [their ] own-label products ...

... has to work harder untill [until ] midnight. As [a] results

GLUCK:D


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