I really want you to check my errors and give some advices about ideas and coherent. Thanks
Do you agree or disagree with the sentence: In twenty years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today?
Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
The human transportation always changes with the development of society. In another words, the useless or old vehicles will be replaced by new ones when time go by. Therefore I have several reasons to agree that the car-using will decrease in the future and it will the focus on my essay.
First, one of the reason make car-using declines is it has negative impact on environment. The energy which supports car machine comes from the burning fuel and diezen oil which creates a lot of harmful gases. Those gases cause air pollution and greenhouse effect. Moreover, it also creates a lot of serious diseases for the healthy of human. Therefore, it is necessary to supersede car by another vehicles which does not create negative effect for environment in the future.
Secondly, with the development of new material in the next decades, the scientists will create more modern vehicles like airplane and electronic cars-it makes the use of car will decrease. New type of vehicles will be more convenient and safer. For example, airplane is the type of transport which is faster and safer than car. People can go through a long distance within few hours by airplane while car will take few days or few weeks. Moreover, new transport will helps people save time and money. Thus, the use of new vehicles will make the consumer of car reduce rapidly in the future.
In summary, although some people still believe in the important role of car today, I still believe that the disadvantages of this transport outweigh the advantages. In fact, with the growth of science and technology, people can create more type of transport which is better and helpful than car.
Hi Minh Chau! It's a pleasure to read your essay. I suggest you reading as many as possible academic English writing and adapting the writing styles. Here are my corrections:
1. In anotherother words, the useless....
2. Therefore,I have several reasons to agree that the car-using will decrease in the future and it will the focus on my essay. it is assured that in the future, people mostly prefer to the sophisticated transportation rather than the old one for the following reasons.
Try to simplify the sentences or the ideas. Using some academic vocabularies will help you improve your writing significantly, and don't forget with the use of transition signals as well as the punctuation. Keep writing and good luck on your examination! Regards.
Nguyen, I notice that you need a lot of works to be done in revising your essay. There are still many corrections that you need to do. For the detailed of the corrections, you can check it below:
- ...always changes withat the same time as the development of society...
- In another other words, the useless or old vehicles..
- ...when time go goes by
- Therefore, (comma needed) I have several...
- future. and itThis will be the main focus onof my essay.
- FirstFirstly , one of the reasonreasons whymake car-using declines is itbecause it has negative impact on environment.
- diseases for the healthy ofwhich is harmful for human
- ...car by anotherother vehicles which doesdo not createcause ...
- ...and electronic cars. It makes...
- few hours by airplane, (comma needed) while car will take few days or few weeks(irrelevant comparison, hours by plane doesn't mean days or weeks by car. The exact calculation is like this: plane = 800 kilometers is equal to 2 or 3 hours. Car = 800 kilometers is equal to 20 or 24 hours)
- ...important roleusage of car...
There you are Nguyen, you need to be careful on the grammatical accuracy and punctuation problem of your essay. My suggestion is that you need to keep practicing by reading some sample answers which already has a high score. By doing this, it will be fruitful towards your writing development. Good Luck :)
