IELTS Writing Task2 : share as much information as possible

Topic:

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My answer:

sharing knowledge freely

Offering scientific, business or academic information publicly has been a controversial issue. Some people argue that the more information are shared, the more benefit we could get, while other people insist that given information without limitation might cause significant problems. I will deal with both contrasting opinions and after that, my own opinions.

Spreading valuable information would bring many positive results from various respects. One of them is that we could improve knowledge more deeply than before it is opened to public. For example, if we did not share information, it would be difficult for many people to notice the existence of the finding and result in missing the opportunity to start new discussion about the data. The second positive result is that publicly opened information has educational value. Nowadays students who are are future professional researchers can easily search many high quality researches online and some of them make the use of them to deepen their knowledge, which might lead to develop the related field.

However there are other opinions that some information should not be shared to the public because of possible danger. The first reason of the opinions is that the dangerous information could be used in the unexpected way, even though the initial purpose was not for hurting anything. In fact, there have been many incidents of bombs made by some normal people who accessed to the information about how to produce a bomb. The second reason is the problem of copyright. Tremendous prior efforts and resources are required for some findings and the researchers naturally have copyright of the finding. However, if we compel them to open their own research to the public, it harms their right to protect their own research.

To sum up, sharing knowledge can be beneficial from the respect of improving findings and activating further researches while it has some possible drawbacks such as making the use of information for crimes or intervening the concept of copyright. In my opinion, despite the disadvantages of offering free information, opened information would result in huge development of our society. Therefore I agree with sharing as much information as possible.

Lipo, your opening paraphrase is inaccurate because it does not use the proper synonyms to represent the original discussion. In fact, you present totally different reasons than the original prompt which could lead to a TA score that reflects your misunderstanding of the original prompt. The proper paraphrase is as follows:

There is a discussion as to whether it is good or not to openly share information coming from the fields of science, commerce, and education. Those who believe that these information should not be open to public access say that these are far too valuable and critical to be shared with others. In this essay I will offer a public discussion of both points of view prior to my opinion about the topic.

Now, you presented both points of view in the first two paragraphs but you did not make it clear that you are discussing public information in that instance. This made it appear that you are already discussing a personal point of view in the paragraph. Use ownership words such as "The first public opinion" or "Those who believe that,,," in order to show that you are discussing the first or second point of view and not your personal opinion.

In the third paragraph, own the paragraph from the start by saying "In my opinion" or "I support the idea that... because..." This makes it extremely clear that you are presenting a personal opinion in the paragraph.

The summary conclusion should be just that. A summary of the previously discussed information. It should not continue the discussion with new information otherwise you are not concluding the essay. You instead have an open ended essay which does not follow the proper format for a Task 2 essay.

By the way, for C&C and GRA considerations, don't present more than 1 topic per paragraph so that you can clearly discuss the given topic for that paragraph. Since you have a tendency to count your discussion reasons, you should do it in this format instead:

First of all,...

Secondly...

Personally...

In this type of essay you should use only 3 paragraphs with one topic each so you could use the following format:

Those who wish to share information....

While those who would rather be secretive...

What I can say is this...

Remember that you are also being scored on presentation. The shorter but clearer your explanations, the better for your overall score.