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TASK 1 - The Share Price of Outokumpu Companies from January 2006 to December 2010

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jan 14, 2016   #1
A description of changes in the share price of Outokumpu companies is illustrated by the line graph and is measured in Euros from January 2006 to December 2010. Overall, the aforementioned evidence describes that, despite some fluctuations, there are two peaks time occurred in the beginning and in the middle of the period.

The first half period of the line graph appeared to have a significant rise in the share price in 2006, and then continued to rise dramatically at roughly 30€ in early period of 2007. In the following year, 2007 to 2008 saw some fluctuations, after which grew sharply at nearly 30€.

Regarding the second half period of the line graph, the share price plunged to a low of approximately 7€ in the middle of 2008 and 2009, subsequently jumped up significantly in 2009. Notwithstanding some fluctuations, there was a sharp rise in early 2010, but then a sharp fall occurred in 2010, which led to a slight drop in roughly December 2010.

Pey28 8 / 13 1  
Jan 14, 2016   #2
there are two peaks time occurred in the beginning and in the middle of the period.

Its better to use another word of significantly in first sentence of both paragraph 2 and 3.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 14, 2016   #3
Mochtar, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

A description of ... The values are measured ... Overall, the aforementioned...

The first body of your essay also has the same problem. If you don't serve up the information from the chart in the proper way within the essay, you will badly damage your final grade in the essay. I suggest that you approach the first body in the following manner:

The first half period... price in 2006. Then continued to rise... In the following...

Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.

Regarding the second... of 2008 and 2009. The figures subsequently jumped... Notwithstanding some fluctuations...

You also have to address the lack of a conclusion in your essay. You need to figure out how to develop 3 sentences that will properly close your report review.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jan 15, 2016   #4
A description of changes in the share (...) and in the middle of the period .

The flow of the ideas is well-done. Yet, you did not write this report in the proper way. Some sentences are lack of clarity since fancy words are being used. Remember, clarity is the king. Let me give a try for the intro;

A breakdown of some alterations to the share price of Outokumpu between 2006 and 2010 is presented in the line graph. Overall, some fluctuations in share price occurred over the period in question. Eventually, the trend saw a gradual rebound to the initial figure.

As seen, a 2-sentence overview has successfully covered the main trends/ differences. A brief overview helps you pass the exam with flying colors.

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