IELTS shopping is replaced by other leisure activities ,it is positive or negative

In today's globalized world , shopping is been popped up dramatically and it is impossible to deny the necessity of the people's need. moreover it has got significant role in the world economy and advertisement inspire the custemers to do shopping.

Initially ,new products are available in everyday in the markets , advertisement has major role to introduce the product and influence the people through mass media .However some buy the products and others do window shopping to improve the lifestyle comfort . Nowadays people do not have much leisure time as they live in a single family and people are forced to engage more part time or full time work to achieve their personal and family requirements .Same way shopping enable the people to socialise and refresh the mind .

secondely,shopping dramatically rose the world economy ,which contribution is unavoidable aspects ,especially in today's financial climate .Ontheother hand, it has created lot of job opportunities . for instance, a shopping mole. which is the hardwork of lots of people means builders ,enginears and manymore .eventually people may pay various taxes.Which will definitely boost the countries financial states.

However shopping has few adverse effect aswell like , it may cause to decline some other activities such as sports games. while we could use our time wisely then can solve these consequence . moreover when go for shopping , people may get some walking exercise.

In the nutshell , when we go through all the effect of shopping ,it seems to me positively rather than negative.

To me ideal structure would be start with background, concentrate on question asked both things are missing from 1st paragraph. Then you should give your opinion, is it good or bad, I mean don't leave it open till the last line. Then support your opinion with whatever points you have.

In today's globalized world , shopping is has been popped up as a regular activity dramatically and it is impossible to deny the necessity of the people's need.


This is confusing and your idea doesn't flow properly. I think you need to rearrange its order. Also I feel you have two different ideas here;

Advertising plays an important role in promoting this activity.
Shopping is also an important economic activity