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Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative

vincentwap 1 / 2  
Nov 6, 2017   #1
Nowadays online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your reasons and examples.

pros and cons of shopping online

Online shopping is becoming more popular. With few clicks at the comfort of your home, you can buy anything. Online shopping has gained more popularity compare to local shopping. This essay will look at positives and negatives impact of online shopping with example.

Shopping online is more convenience. Nowadays, online shopping save time and money. Buyers can order any goods online and it will be delivered to their home and office. Internet shopping gives attractive prices. Most online shops give discounted price which will lead to more saving to shoppers. Also, it allows shoppers to compare prices in various online shopping. Online shopping makes it possible for consumers to order from other countries at comfort of their home.

On the contrary, the ease of online shopping has rendered some people jobless and homes without food to eat. Online shopping has some negative effect especially on local market. Some local producers who live in remote area where internet is not accessible; which will lead underpricing of goods and exploitation from the middlemen. Shopping online encourages consumers buying worthless goods. Due to its flexibility, consumers may buy household that is not necessarily important, this will lead to huge debt. There are security issues, online shopping may expose your credit card to online theft; thereby leading to financial problem.

In conclusion, shopping online has advantage and disadvantage. however it has more advantage impact but shoppers should exercise some caution while shopping as there are numerous online malware that can compromise their credit card detail online which will lead to financial breakdown.
rubychautran 10 / 27 7  
Nov 6, 2017   #2
I think you should really check your grammar, especially the use of word form.
Here are some of your mistakes:
positives and negatives impact => positive and negative impacts
Shopping online is more convenience => Shopping online is more convenient
online shopping save time and money => online shopping saves time and money
And also, the structure of your paragraphs are not clearly defined. The key statement should be put at the beginning, not in the middle of the paragraph. For example, Online shopping has some negative effect especially on local market can be considered a key statement and should be put at the beginning of the paragraph.
OP vincentwap 1 / 2  
Nov 6, 2017   #3

Thank you, This is my first essay writing. You can still tell me my weaknesses

Can pls correct my essay. @digaprasiska @TJLuschen @henricuspria @Holt
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4811  
Nov 6, 2017   #4
Vincent, when you first read the prompt requirement. There are 2 things you have to do. That is, identify the topic sentence the discussion basis sentence, and the instruction sentence so that you can properly paraphrase the prompt. In this instance, you identified the topic sentence properly, but misidentified the discussion basis sentence. The discussion basis is "positive or negative development?" This led to an incorrect instruction assumption on your part. You deviated and did not present the correct "reasons and examples" for this essay.

When you analyze the discussion basis, you have to be on the lookout for specific keywords that tell you whether or not a discussion is a single opinion or multiple opinion presentation. The minute you see the word "OR", that automatically qualifies the prompt as a single opinion discussion essay.

Your opening paraphrase of the topic sentence is different enough from the original in my opinion because you used keywords such as "popular" and "online shopping" without really mentioning the original context of "than in-store shopping" although you implied it. That makes it different enough to qualify for an average score. Using keywords from the original prompt shows the examiner that you understood the prompt topic and you know how to use it in a given context. Hence, you proved you understand English to a certain degree. However, your third sentence is a direct paraphrase of the original, so that will bring the score down. A more appropriate paraphrase, that would have kept you on track instead of changing the discussion instruction is:

Online shopping is the new normal shopping routine. It has surpassed the popularity of in-store shopping among today's shoppers. This has led to the question as to whether this development is a positive or negative result of the online shopping method. I believe this is a (state your opinion, positive or negative) occurrence. In this essay I will be presenting popular reasons and examples to support my claim.

Your second paragraph properly illustrates your discussion topic. It provides proper reasons and examples within the presentation but falls short of offering a valid reason for this convenience. One reason that it is more convenient could be that it is cashless shopping. Or, people like being able to shop without having to spend extra on parking fees and gasoline. You should have developed the supporting reason in this paragraph rather than just focusing in the different reasons. One strong reason, strengthened with a proper supporting discussion in 2 or 4 more sentences would have done the job.

You could have presented 2 supporting discussions in the essay and then concluded after the 3rd or 4th paragraph. That would have allowed you the chance to write a more varied sentence presentation and showcase your English vocabulary a little bit more. In this instance, the discussion was not only wrong, but it was also limited in vocabulary scope.
OP vincentwap 1 / 2  
Nov 8, 2017   #5

Thank you very much, I guess I still have a long way to go.
Pls recommend any book that will help to improve my formal, informal and essay writing based on my weakness

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