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NguyenMy19055 1 / -  
Mar 22, 2021   #1

How the world has changed since the invention of the mobile phone?

These days for us, the mobile phone is a familiar and almost indispensable thing in life. It was a great invention that changed the world a lot. Besides the positive changes, there are also negative changes. There are some reasons to express that change.

On the positive side, one of the most noticeable discrepancies is convenience. Before there was no phone, we contacted each other by letter, it took us to spend much time. However, we had the phone, it helped us to contact each other no matter where we were. We can send messages, call, see other people through face time. Next, in the past, we want to read newspapers we need to buy. But now, we can read a newspaper on the phone for free. Besides, the phone also helps us a lot, such as playing games, listening to music, watching movies,...

On the negative side, the mobile phone makes us depend on it and forget our surroundings. If in the past when we were dating with friends we would chat and share, today everyone will focus on the phone, forgetting what is the purpose of the meeting. Today's children instead of playing folk games together with their friends, instead of playing games on the phone, there are even people who are addicted to the point of not eating or sleeping. That seems to make us feel emotionless, away from everyone around us, life gradually becomes dependent on the phone.

In short, since the invention of the mobile phone, the world has changed both positively and negatively. Let's learn how to use the phone to become a smart consumer, promote the advantages and reduce the disadvantages of mobile phones.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Mar 23, 2021   #2
If I am right and the original prompt of this essay was based on how people's interaction has changed because of technology, then your overall approach to the discussion is incorrect.. Due to the lack of original prompt presentation, I am using the prompt that I know is normally used for this discussion. As such, this essay would, in an actual test, not get a passing score. Why? The discussion went from how technology has influence the way people interact to how the world has changed since the mobile phone was invented. You have also used a comparative essay to discuss the topic when the prompt requirement asked you to decide if this was a positive or negative development. The word "or" creates the singular opinion presentation in the discussion. This is not comparative. There is no clear opinion based on the original prompt because you chose to side with both discussion points. There is no clarity when it comes to the opinion that you actually support. There is nothing in this presentation that follows the dictates of the original prompt and thus, cannot receive a passing score.

If this prompt is based on one that specifically focused on the mobile phone, then you should have supplied the prompt for a more accurate review. Kindly remember to provide the prompt next time. That way I will not have to guess what the prompt is and I would be able to offer you relevant writing advice for the topic you were asked to write about.