I need some feedback on my writing.... Please tell me on areas to improvise on!
Smoking is becoming a commonplace in many countries. People who smoked could be due to several reasons; be it succumbing to peer-pressure and begin picking up smoking to fit in or be it having an idiosyncratic notion that resorting to these cigarettes can relieve their stress, either way these are only the few reasons why people started smoking. But, is smoking in the public deemed to be acceptable? After scrutinizing the scope of the question, I strongly feel that smoking should not be allowed in the public due to concerns of the health of the public and the environment.
First and foremost, one has to be aware that, smokers not only jeopardize their health when they smoke, but also the people nearby them who would be affected as well. As a matter of fact, studies have proven that passive smokers are actually deteriorating their life span at a faster rate than an active smoker. Passive smoking is dub to any person who inhales the tobacco smoke other than the smoker himself, also known as second-hand smokers. This type of 'smokers' could unwittingly aggravate their respiratory organs such as the lungs. In addition, in any special cases where there is person who is diagnosed with asthma and is at near proximity of the smoker, it has been known that tobacco smoke is a powerful trigger of asthma, and this could possibly lead to a cost of life inadvertently. As such, by prohibiting smoking in the public, we could attenuate the repercussion of inhaling the lethal substance from the public and could actually saves some lives of certain people born with some sort disability that is vulnerable to the smoke.
Secondly, by forbidding smoking in the public, the environment will be less susceptible to inconsiderate littering from the smokers. Due to the lack of rubbish bin in certain places, or more often than not, the apathetic nature of some individuals to the surrounding, they tend to flick their cigarettes to the ground out of their convenience once they are done. In reality, it is a ubiquity to see cigarette buds on the ground almost everywhere. This has rendered the jobs of the cleaners responsible for the cleanliness of the public, to be more uphill and trying, which in some cases caused them to resign from their jobs. Have anyone thought of the consequences if all of the cleaners were to leave due to this factor? Especially in the context of Singapore, a country which has gained a reputation to be recognised as a "Clean and Green" country, it will definitely be an eyesore for the tourist visiting if cigarette buds are in every nook and canny of the region. That reputation could even be smeared or taken away. Thus, by outlawing smoking in public, the environment will be free from unwanted littering from smokers.
However, with that said, one has to consider how smokers would feel about such approach to smoking in public. Since they can no longer light up their cigarette as and when they desire, this could bring about withdrawal symptoms from smokers who are especially hooked to it. Such symptoms could cause the smoker feel agitated easily, and fights could occur in a drop of the hat if someone were to accidentally bang them for instance. With this in mind, it is now the government responsibility to set up sufficient corners specifically designed for smoking. In fact, this methodology has already been implemented in country like Singapore and has already alleviated many negative issues regarding about smoking.
To sum up, smoking in the public should be banned so as to prevent people from morphing into second-hand smokers unknowingly and to also, conserve the environment to enable the people to have a much cleaner place to live in. By inaugurating a designed smoking corners for smokers, people reacting impetuously due to the lack of nicotine is also solved. A bin where smokers can dispose their cigarette bud could also be placed there. Hence, it is clear that banning of smoking will be prudence.
essay is a good one...however plz look for your minor grammatical mistakes.. "As such, by prohibiting smoking in the public, we could attenuate the repercussion of inhaling the lethal substance from the public and could actually saves some lives of certain people born with some sort disability that is vulnerable to the smoke". look for others also...
I'll include my comments and suggestions per paragraph :-)
- Excellent introduction. I commend you for being able to understand the requirements of the prompt and actually placing a thesis statement at the end of it.
- ... reasons. It could be that they are caving in to peer pressure, or, because they believe the suggestions of some smokers that smoking is a good way to relieve stress. Either way... Aftercareful consideration of the question...
- ...the people nearby are also affected as well.Studies have proven... passive smokers deteriorate their life...A passive smoker is any person who... himself .They are commonly known as second hand smokers . It is believed that second hand smoke can trigger terrible Asthma attacks non-smokers. By preventing public smoking, the illnesses caused by second hand smoke can be prevented.
- By forbidding... lack of rubbish bins in certain... and the apathetic nature of some smokers when it comes to their surroundings... cigarettes are haphazardly thrown away. This also causes additional clean up work for the public sanitation officers. Therefore, by outlawing public smoking, we will preserve the environment in a healthy manner and lessen the public littering problem as well.
- Outlawing public smoking may also help save the lives of smokers since they can no longer smoke just anywhere, anytime. They will be forced to undergo nicotine withdrawal and be forced to face up to and deal with their addiction. But, since the government needs to make sure that those who wish to smoke, as it is their human right to choose to do so, have a place to light up, they will be forced to compromise with the smokers and allot public smoking areas for them instead.
- ... ... so that people By assigning designated smoking corners... people reacting negatively due to ... dispose of their cigarette butts could... banning of smoking has heavier benefits than consequences.
This is a well developed and thoroughly discussed essay. Once some corrections are applied to the paragraphs, it is sure be become even better :-)
