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Social and practical problems abroad without local language knowledge

kruhem 1 / 1  
Jun 7, 2018   #1
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems

life overseas may be a challenge for everyone

There is a belief that if an individual lives in an oversea country which has local people using different language from their mother tongue, they might have intense social and practical problems. In my personal opinion, I completely agree with this point for some reasons that will be describe in this essay.

Firstly, he or she cannot understand clearly about local traditions and may do some mistakes because they have a problem to communicate with local people, especially if they do not communicate in local languages. It can make the person's life been difficult in that society. For instance, in Thailand, people raise their thumbs to others if they desire to commend the other people. However, this expression is very impolite in Australia. If one person from Thailand who cannot speak english moves to live in Australia intend to admire local people who help him by doing this denotation whether he knows or not. It can cause dissatisfaction to the neighbors and may have an impact on his social life in Australia.

Secondly, the individual will have trouble finding work when they live in abroad if he or she is not good in local language. It is tough to be accepted from local companies. The person may start with unwell-paid employment such as a washer in somewhere restaurant or a cleaner in houses. If he or she desire to work in other careers that earn more money, the person should learn the local language to be fluent and that make he to spend much money which may be used it to improve his living in other way such as buying healthy food.

In conclusion, I firmly agree with the belief that the person may have problems such as communication problems that affect the individual's social life or does not find good work if he or she lives in abroad that differs language.
jalp 13 / 34 7  
Jun 7, 2018   #2
What is the prompt of this essay?

The last sentence on your 3rd paragraph was a bit confusing. Same with the example you provided.

Base on reading your essay, i cannot quite understand if it asked your opinion or to what extent do you agree. You should put the complete prompt so the contributors will help you review your answer.
rubychautran 10 / 27 7  
Jun 7, 2018   #3
You should always include the full question of the essay when you post, and that consists of both the content question and the command. Questions that ask you to choose to agree or disagree with a statement is very different from questions that ask you to discuss both views of a matter, and you can very easily confuse them. If you exclude the command there is no way for anyone to review the essay for you.
OP kruhem 1 / 1  
Jun 8, 2018   #4
Thank you for all replies. The full question is that living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems, to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,051 4255  
Jun 8, 2018   #5
Thewin, try to avoid using the same phrases in the prompt restatement as was used in the original. Your lexical resource and ability to express yourself originally in the English language is first judged in the opening paraphrase. In addition to that, you also must ensure that you avoid writing overly long sentences or run-ons, as you did in the opening paragraph. Remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum for each paragraph. So the proper prompt restatement for this is:

A foreigner residing in a different country from his own is believed to suffer several types of adjustment problems pertaining to culture and everyday interactions. This is because he would not be fluent in the native language of the country and as such, would be hindered in his dealings with the locals. I completely agree with this statement based on a few considerations.

When you divide your sentences into short presentations such as the one above, you have a chance to better explain yourself / make yourself understood because each sentence has only one topic / subject for discussion. However, when combined into the paragraph, it creates a complete thought process, which is the basis of the coherence and cohesiveness scoring for the essay. The short presentations also make it clear to the examiner that you not only understood what the topic is about, but also how to discuss it. This increases your TA score immensely as well.

You definitely show a problem in sentence structure and grammar usage in your essay. For example, you cannot say :

It can make the person's life been difficult in that society.

Been connotes something that happened in the past yet you are talking about the present. Therefore, you will be scored down in the GRA section as well because of the improper sentence development. Not only that, but this paragraph in particular was extremely difficult to understand due to improper sentence structure, incoherent statements, and problematic grammar use. Therefore, this section of your essay alone is enough basis for you to not get a passing score for this test. The proper sentence presentation should have been:

It can make a person's life difficult in ...

BTW, the default gender in American writing is male the pronoun. So you can use "I, he, him" in reference to the gender. If you want to be gender non-specific though, you may use the terms "them, they" or not mention any gender at all. As an English beginner though, you will do best to stick to the male pronouns when writing. You can go into the more complex gender references as you improve your English writing skills.

As for your conclusion. One run on sentence as presented above, though complete in summary of the discussion, will pull down your score because each topic for discussion must be presented in the summary as a stand alone sentence. This is considered to be another prompt paraphrase presentation so it should still follow the sentence requirement of 3-5 sentences per paragraph in order to garner a better overall scoring consideration.

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