THE SOLUTION for DEFORESTATION
Forest clearance indeed resulted from illegal cutting and burning trees activities is occurring worldwide which pushes millions of wild animals into habitat loss. Although this problem is becoming more serious day by day, each of us should altogether take steps to address this issue as soon as possible.
The main reason for cutting down a lot of trees is the logging industry. Demands of using wood products are rising because of the trend using paper implements, especially disposal items made of wood. I believe, these three simple actions could help mitigate the shortage of wood in production and overhaul the serious impacts of deforestation on the earth, directly crackdown the matter.
Firstly, we can reuse paper bags more than one time if possible. I think that paper bags are so useful and friendly to the environment because they can be reused many times with careful handing. Paper bags made of renewable resources as well.
Secondly, we can use computers or reading devices instead of paper books. If we can do that, it could decrease a significant amount of wood providing to book manufacturers every day.
Finally, recycle is one of the ways to make it less wasteful. Most office paper or old furniture could be recycled into many useful items. Therefore, it will help us spend much less money on shopping.
In conclusion, there must be several measures that can be taken to tackle the problem which is leading to the devastation of the natural world.
hi! here are my comments about your essay.
1/ It's better if you combine paragraphs 2,3,4,5 into 1 paragraph for your body part.
2/ For Grammar:
Paper bags are made from renewable resources as well
of wood provided to book manufacturers ...
My advice: To get a higher score, I think you should use more advanced vocabulary and grammar, especially linking words to make your essay more coherence.
I hope my comments will help you.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 As the essay is 4 words below he minimum requirement for the Task 2 test, you can expect to receive an equivalent number of score deductions in your TA presentation. You have to write at least 250 words, no more than 290 words for this task. You will not be able to achieve a passing mark when you write less than the required number of words.
Since the prompt was not provided for this essay, I will review other aspects of your work instead. Please remember to post the prompt next time.
Most of your presentation problems lie within the cohesiveness and coherence section of the scoring rubic. You have a tendency to not follow the appropriate writing format for the paragraphs. Each paragraph must be composed of 3-5 sentences that focus on a topic sentence, reasoning sentence, example, supporting explanation, and transition sentence. Your essay lacks clarity because you discuss too many topics in one sentence. Leading an incoherent presentation and a discussion that the reader will find difficult to keep track of. You have to learn to discuss your reasoning paragraphs in a short but informative manner.
Focus on the clarity of your explanation instead of the number of reasons. You have to prove that you can explain your reasons to the English native speaker in a manner that he can understand. If you keep jabbering away, without ensuring that your sentiment is understood, then all that typing was for nothing. You will score low in the GRA and C&C section. Add to that the vocabulary problems and sentence structure problems of the essay and you will understand why you may not reach a 5 band mark with this type of writing.
@Holt
@JasmineNguyen
Thank you so much for your advice, it's so helpful
