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solving environmental problems : international agency instead of state/national govts


joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 20, 2012   #1
(Please help with my IELTS essay
Thanks in advance)

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of one International Agency instead of state or national governments. Do you agree or disagree..?
Enviornmental problems become a drastic problem nowadays. State, National and international agencies try to tackle this problem in different ways. But I don't believe that it will be benificial if the entire responsibility of

solving this vast problem is put under an international agency.

To begin with, International agencies are benificial in many ways. It can make strong rules and have power to compell every nations, though it is rich or poor to follow the international standards of pollution control to reduce the global warming. It can observe and regulate each nations separately. Besides, it can allocate money to help poor nations to establish various pollution control measures. But with out the co.operation of state and national government all these efforts

would not be fruitful.

Undoubtedaly, most of the environmental problems are made by individuals, socities and businesess centers, such as shopping malls, industries and public places. Effective prevention of heeping up of wastages should be made from grass root level. For this,individual and govermental help and strong will power is to be needed. Governments as a public institution can make effective rules, provide manpower for frequent follow ups, allocate money for public education regarding pollution control methods, even include it in the curiculum, and subcidies for pollution control measures implimentation. Through effective rules, government can cut the licence of polluting industries, or stop the usage of environmental damaging materials like plastic, encouraging eco-friendly utencils like papper bags, and so on.Furthermore, frequent follow ups and sufficient penality ifself will reduce the environmental problems.

At the same time, individual contributions also must be needed to fullfil the environment saving campagin. The base root of pollution is individuals.if they are not willing to follow the rules, the effort of state, national and international agancies are wasteful. So I feel individual level of managnent is pivotal. People can keep their environment free from pollution by their little efforts. Domestic disposal of wastes, usage of eco-friendly materials like paper instead off plastic, public transport in place of personal car, limit the use of electricity, recycle and reuse as much as possible, replantation and avoid cutting trees are the steps towards the right direction.

In conclution, limit environmental problems determination and efforts are essential. In my opinion, it will be the collective responsibility of the individual, state and national governments, and all these activities to be controled and guided by the international agencies. We must remember that our world is not only for us but also for the future generations too.

Environmental problems become a drastic problem nowadays.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 20, 2012   #2
every nations,

... every nation / all nations

each nations

------------ each nation / all nations

For this,individual and govermental help and strong will power is to be needed.

-------------- this sentence has grammar issues. My suggestion;
This purpose requires the co-operation of individual citizens as well as the government.

Well.... you need a better organization of ideas. Also follow the recommended essay structure for this task ;
1. Introduction - introduce the topic; state your opinion
2. Body para1 - 1st reason for your opinion +example to support the reason
3. Body para 2 - 2nd reason for your opinion +example to support the reason
4.Conclusion - sum up everything said above
OP joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 20, 2012   #3
hai dumi...
Thanks a lot for your valuable correction. I will re- write it after some times..
OP joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 20, 2012   #4
hai dumi..
Can you tell me about the ideas in this essay..is it bad...? Or only i need re-organization...
Thanks..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 20, 2012   #5
You have lots of good ideas, but they are not arranged properly. That the reason why they fail to convince the reader and make your essay more attractive than it is now.

For this task, you need to pay attention for two things:
1) Whether your essay is aligned with the right structure that can earn you marks
2) Manage your time - you need to finish the essay within the allocated time for this task

So, even if you have lots of good ideas and reasons, it is dangerous for you attempt to write everything because by doing that you may not have enough time to complete your essay.
OP joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 20, 2012   #6
Hai dumi..

Thanks a lot...
I read a similar essay in this topic here in this forum today. Which was agreeing international agencies role. I was intented to read it but i miss the link. So i am still waiting someboby else to write the same topic and then i will surely rewrite it. I am confused how to rewrite it...?

Hope your help in my future essays too...
Thanks once again..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 20, 2012   #7
But I don't believe that it will be beneficial if the entire responsibility of solving this vast problem is put under an international agency.

I dont say this is bad... but I prefer if you express opinion more direct;
In my opinion, I think the internaitonal agencies alone cannot be held responsible of solving this issue due to the vastness. The national agencies too should join hands with international agencies in solving this problem if we are to achieve satisfactory results.

To begin with, International agencies are beneficialmore effectivein solving this problem in many ways.

--------- I introduced some changes here; you are going to tell the reader about the advantages of having international agencies involved and this idea must come out very clearly by this sentence

every nations

- ------------ every nation (every nations is wrong)

You have give reasons to show how international organizations can help solve this issue by highlighting their strengths. So, now it's the time to provide an example. Tell the reader about some program which is conducted by an international organization and how it is supported by them.

But with out the co.operation of state and national government all these efforts
would not be fruitful.

------------------- take this reason to the other para and show how important it is the role of national organizations.

Good Luck!
OP joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Nov 21, 2012   #8
hai dumi..
Thanks a lot for the details..
Nice intrduction..
I have no idea about international environmental program. I will do google search and add as example.
Once again thanks..


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