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IELTS Writing Task II about someone take a job in a gap time


Dioba 68 / 104 7  
Nov 30, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.
Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Certain advice represent that an occupation should be taken for a few years in the gap between graduated from secondary school and higher education institution. Personally, I believe several benefits such as new experience of work and earn money by them self and the negative impacts such as too focus on job and less general knowledge are exist related to this issues.

Enrich work experience and financial matters are the merits of the issue. For wealthy young people, they will easy to enroll in their favorite campus and they can continue their study in there while the others get an obstacle to reach more higher education and prefer to prepare by work. Steward and shopkeeper are the common jobs which they can get apply based on their abilities. From those occupations, adolescent can get more work experience such as how to manage financial, income and outcome of the shop. Furthermore, they get monthly or weekly salary which they get from their effort. For illustrate, adolescent work as a shopkeeper know how to serve the consumers which wide range of characteristics, so he can know how to handle what consumer needs.

However, work in the gap time between school and university also have several demerits for adolescent such as spend their full time and energy to work and they are stagnant in less academic knowledge while some young people work and prepare to gain higher education at the same time. Adolescent too focus earning much revenue and they have a tendency forget about their initial purpose in which they study in university. Based on my personal experience, Ali, my friend, forget his initial aim to gain higher education because her passion to earning much income and he also try to develop his career. He satisfy with what he got from his occupation and he more close-minded because stagnant in his basic knowledge.

To sum up, although work at gap time between after graduated from secondary school and university has certain advantages, the negative impacts more give effect to the adolescent.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 30, 2016   #2
Dioba,
Here's my feedback focusing on the first and the second paragraph of your essay.

1st paragraph:
- Certain advice represent that(from who?I think it needs a clear subject) an occupation (...) for a few years in the gap(mentioning "between" has already indicated a "gap". This is redundant) between graduated from secondary school graduation and higher education studyinstitution .

- ... benefits such as new experience of workwork experience and earn money by them selfself-earning capabilityandwhile the negative impacts... (You need to remember the rule of parallel, either noun, adj, or verb. Your idea should be in "phrase" not a sentence. Therefore, two phrases are needed.)

2nd paragraph:
- Enriching work experience and financial matters areis the meritsmerit of...
- ...they will easy toeasily enroll in their favorite campus...
- ...jobs which they can get apply based on their abilities.
- ... how to manage financial, either income orand outcome of the shopcompany .
- ForTo illustrate, adolescentwhen they work as a shopkeeper, they will know how (...) which have wide range of characteristics. As a result,sohethey can know how...

As you can see, grammatical range and accuracy still become the major issues that you need to overcome. I hope the above-mentioned feedback would be helpful towards your writing skill, especially IELTS writing task 2. :)
Abrahamlincoln 54 / 56  
Nov 30, 2016   #3
Dear Brother
Let me give you some inputs

Certain advice represents that an occupation should be taken by adolescent for a few years ... (who should take a job?)

... benefits such as get new experience of work ...

Enrich working experience and financial ...

they can continue their study in(over) there

... obstacle to reach more higher education and prefer to prepare for working by work .

... jobs which they can get apply based on their abilities.

... how to manage financial report , and company profit. income and outcome of the shop.

Good luck, see you on next thread
faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Dec 1, 2016   #4
although work atIN THE gap time between after graduated from secondary school and universityGRADUATION TIME AND UNIVERSITY ENROLLMENT has certain advantages, the negative impacts more give effect GIVE MORE EFFECT to the adolescent.

1. Dioba, please study again about the different of usage : IN, AT, ON . Because it really different. At usually use for the time that really detail.

2. between + after ---> I don't know, but i think this kind of form is inappropriate, and inconvenient to hear.

3. more give effect ---> give more effect ---> make the correct sequence of your word.

Good luck broh
NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Dec 1, 2016   #5
The aforementioned evidence reveals that the dire effect of taking a job in the course of gap year outweigh the benefit one. If possible, the learner should continue their higher education directly.

Hi Dioba, just trying at least 2 sentence in each paragraph

A heap of luck !


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