Sources of energy - IELTS 2: Problems and Solutions Essay

I am planning to take the IELTS test. Here is one of my essay. I really need to improve my writing skills in order to get the best preparation for the IELTS test.

Fossil fuels usage

Topic: Fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas, are used in many countries. The use of alternative sources of energy, including wind and solar power, is encouraged. Is this trend a positive or negative development?

Environment plays an important role in our daily life. Nowadays, our green air in environment is polluted by over using of fossil fuels. So that the trend of replacing fossil fuels by wind and solar power is highly justifiable.

Wind and solar power are both environmentally safe sources of energy. In fact, our earth is endangered by dioxide which is a production of coal and oil from vehicles and industrial. For example, the world temperature is hotter every year and protection air of earth is destroyed by many dangerous rays from universe. Therefore, government should encourage wind and solar power as a alternative sources of energy and impose a tighter law on using coal and oil. If wind and solar power become main energy and coal and oil are used in acceptable way our world will be a better place for humanity to live and develop.

It is undeniable fact that wind and solar power are easy and reasonable way to use energy. For instances, solar power can be used to boil water for bath and cook while wind is very useful to generate electricity. In addition, wind power is suitable to nature and makes country more modern with eco-friendly high technology in fields of energy. Besides, coal and oil are current energy but shows many disadvantages such as pollute the air, harm to consumer, high price, ... In contrast, wind and solar power prove more convenient and easy to be the future energy for humanity.

Put it in the nutshell, alternative energy including wind and solar power should be encouraged all over the world. From my perspective, our earth will be better if people know how to use novel and suitable power for our daily life.

Hi. Good essay, and there are some mistakes that I need to point out for you:
OPENING
our green air in environment
So that Therefore

BODY 1
carbon dioxide, which is aka CO2.
the world global temperature is hotter rising every ... of earth the ozone is destroyed by many dangerous sunrays from universe

BODY 2
are an easy and reasonable way to use energy
cooking
pollute polluting the air, beingharmful to consumers, high price, ... and so on. Keep in mind that ... is an informal writing and your score will be lower.

prove to be more convenient and easy easier to be ...

CONCLUSION
Puting it in the nutshell
our earth will be a better place to live in

You need to check out your grammar structures and word choices in addition. I hope my feedback will help your writing.

Dung, you are not being asked to justify the reasons for using alternative energy sources in this essay. The whole premise of the essay is to prove that using these other energy sources have a positive effect on the environment. You need to familiarize yourself with English word meanings. "Justifiable" means to be able to be shown to be right or reasonable; defensible. While the term positive means consisting in or characterized by the presence or possession of features or qualities rather than their absence. The term that you used in the opening paraphrase changed the discussion topic for the essay and will thus be considered a prompt deviation. This will cause you to lose TA points due to obvious LR and comprehension skills problems on your part.

Only paragraph 3 is correct in discussion approach at this point since that outlines the positive aspect of using alternative energy. Therefore, you will only receive points for that part of the essay. Since you will then be also lacking in word count, as the minimum is 250 words, there is no way that this will be considered for a passing score.

In order to properly respond to the essay, you need to first, understand what the essay is talking about and second, develop a proper response based on prompt expectations. This essay did not fully accomplish that. I hope to see improvements on your end with your next practice essay. That is, if you continue to seek advice from this forum.