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Sport amenities as an optimal method of making the public healthier?



Duc Mosby 1 / -  
Jun 23, 2017   #1
The best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Discuss?

raising recreational complexes to improve public health



It is believed that the optimal method of making the public healthier is to raise sports amenities. In this essay, I am going to argue that such practice is futile and education is a superior way to enhance the health of the masses.

It is understandable why some advocate the idea of boosting recreational facilities to improve public health. Their main rationale for this is that by granting the masses access to these facilities, they are expected to do exercise more frequently, which helps them become healthier. However, such reasoning is flawed. Because increasing the number of sport amenities does not guarantee the improvement of public health. When people are unaware of their poor state of health, they will easily lose their own incentives to exercise constantly. My brother perfectly exemplifies this situation. He quit briefly after a few months signing up for a membership card at the local gym because he could not manage to maintain his motivation.

Instead of the aforementioned approach, I am of the opinion that education is a preferable option. This can be attributed to the fact that a better state of health definitely stems from the higher consciousness of health. Therefore, governments should perpetuate campaigns to raise the awareness of the general public about the significance of health. For example, my friend was successful to shred nearly 20 kilograms after he realized how overweight he was by going to the gym more often. Not only was he able to gain a lean body, he also became a model for other to take up the habit of exercising routinely and eating healthier. If this happened in a larger scale, the result would be much more dramatic and the public health would be upgraded significantly.

In conclusion, I believe that raising recreational complexes would produce meager results and education is a better alternative in order to improve public health.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Jun 23, 2017   #2
Duc, regardless of what test you are writing a practice essay for, the main component that must be seen by the examiner in the first paragraph is the proper paraphrasing of the prompt requirement. A proper restatement of the prompt, in your own words, will prove that you are capable of understanding English instructions and serve to garner you a respectable task accuracy score. The fact that you took a shortcut in your prompt restatement so you could jump directly into the discussion of the topic, without properly outlining the discussion shows that you disregarded the academic writing rules of the English language and makes it difficult for you to gain a higher score with this essay. Since you did not post the full prompt requirements for our reference, I am unable to further advice you regarding improvement points in your essay aside from the obvious flaws in a general sense. Please remember to post the complete prompt instructions next time along with your essay so that a more useful assessment of your written essay can be made.
akbarmappiare 31 / 445  
Jun 28, 2017   #3
Hi Duc. I am going to give you responds related your contents. I would not focus on your grammar.
First, you are supposed to understand the given statements well. I admit that your paraphrase is different with the original statement. That could reduce your score because it is related to task responses. In addition, your thesis statement (the last sentence of the first paragraph) has displayed that you would explain a different topic. Actually, you should concentrate on whether increasing the number of facilities is the best way or not.

For your body paragraph, you should directly show why you disagree that increasing facilities does not influence. At first glance, I thought you want to elucidate that the way works. I suggest that you directly mention and explore your idea. I meant that you show your reason and give an example in real life. Following this, please be careful of using a conjunction. There is a mistake in placing the conjunction. However, your conclusion is enough good because that could clearly represent what you explained in the body paragraph. It is simple, but you successfully paraphrase your opinion.

I believe you can write better if you wanna practice more and more..
GOOD LUCK


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