Is sport nothing more than a leisure activity?

Hi guys, I'm working on IELTS writing for the test next year. I hope you can give me your thoughts on this. Much appreciated!

Some people think that sport is very important for society. Others, however, it is nothing more than a leisure activity.

Discuss both views and give your opinion

.

When it comes to sport, some people advocate that it does wonders for society while others argue that sport only plays a recreational part. Subjectively, I am far in agreement with the former statement. In this essay, I am going to give my opinion on both views and give reasons why I agree that sport offers more things than being just a leisure activity.

It is undeniable that sport has entertainment value. There is always a wide range of people around the world who develop high interest in sport since playing or following it helps satisfy their passion and demand to release stress or simply to lift up their mood. Thus, this contributes to greater mental health and satisfaction.

However, I believe that sport is something more than just the above-mentioned benefit. There are three key upsides that sport brings people. Firstly, taking up sport benefits the community's fitness level. For instance, playing basketball may increase people's height and flexibility or engaging in chess enhances their logical thinking. Consequently, this leads to a healthier and more sustainable life. Secondly, because a bunch of sport lovers are willing to support their idols and companies are ready to pay millions of dollars for a deal, sport can even turn into a career. Those who work in the sport industry not only make a living with fairly high income but also are able to bring the public recreation and motivation to participate in sport activities. Messi, for example, who is a worldwide known soccer player, earns enough money to live the entire life comfortably after a season and strongly passes on the inspiration for boys who want to pursue a soccer path. Finally, as playing sports means exposure to various situations, people are able to develop and sharpen certain skills. Chief among them is cooperation skill which trains people how to collaborate more effectively and produce higher results. This results in big pluses added to a curriculum vitae for a brighter future and more easy life.

In conclusion, regardless of the fact that there are two opposing views about sport, one supposing that sport is nothing more than an entertaining tool and one claiming that sport does bring value to society, I far agree with the later idea for reasons presented above.

I highly appreciate your essay structure and the way you explain your idea.
However not mentioning the social benefits of sport in the topic sentence of the third paragraph reduces the reader's ability to understand.
Hope my message helpful.

Hi! Here are some suggestions I have for you:

- It is very clear that paragraph 3 is way longer than paragraph 2. When the question is "Discuss both views", you should make them equivalent in length.

- I think that you should only give your opinion in the conclusion, although I am not entirely sure about this point.

- "However, I believe that sport is something ..." This opening statement of paragraph 3 should refer to "benefits to society" --> relink to the question.

- Please avoid using informal languages, such as "a bunch of sport lovers".

- "In conclusion, regardless of the fact that ..." --> This is a very long sentence, break it down!

@jhhh11
-For the informal languages, I was a bit confused with it but thanks to you, it's clear to me now ;)
-For the second paragraph, it is so sort because I don't really know how to add more ideas or make it longer. Do you have any suggestions for how I can make it equivalent with the third paragraph?

Anyway, thanks so much for your useful comment. I highly appreciate it!!!

Actually, your essay is running way too long for a task 2 essay. You wrote 379 words for an essay that should only have 275-290 words or 20-25 sentences in total. You cannot write this many words during the actual test with only 40 minutes to present a perfected essay. You should be focused on the content and its clarity, rather than the word count. Equal sentences per paragraph is non-existent. As long as you write 3-5 sentences per paragraph, you are all set. Don't worry about paragraph length equivalence. That is not scored. So it does not make sense to focus on presenting an equivalent paragraph in a visual sense.

You misunderstood the discussion requirement for the essay. You are not being asked to discuss your opinion based on both views. Rather, you are required to explain both points of view, from a public standpoint, and then offer your personal opinion after comparing both presentations. Why should you do it from a public point of view stance first? The essay uses the keywords "Some people" and "Others", meaning other people. Therefore, the "Discuss both views" aspect of the discussion requires you to explain why both sectors believe each side of the discussion. Then you offer a personal opinion based upon the side of the topic that you support. If you want to be able to fully utilize the sentences per paragraph when you do not know too much about the topic, use the public point of view explanation. It is easier to explain the point of view of other people in that case.

Do not start your concluding summary with "In conclusion" as that is a super memorized and overused phrase. Be more creative. You could instead say "Looking back on this topic..." You also have to find a way to restate the discussion topic, both points of view, and your personal opinion in an interesting manner. You presented this paragraph in a run-on manner, you should be using individualized sentences for the presentation. It helps with the clarity and coherence of the paragraph.